7 benefits to building conflict resilience into your org culture

7 benefits to building conflict resilience into your org culture

Why build conflict resilience into your company’s culture?

  1. Fact: In any business environment, challenges and disagreements WILL happen. For a productive and happy workplace it’s crucial to have a plan in place to manage and de-escalate negative conflicts—with the intention to head them off before they begin. 

  2. The costs of conflict to your business are real and they are high. 

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Four Steps to Help De-Escalate a Conflict

Four Steps to Help De-Escalate a Conflict

Conflict De-Escalation is a slowing down (or stopping) of the escalation of conflict. In the mediation world, de-escalation techniques are used to reduce tension, hostility and emotional intensity during the mediation process. 

We de-escalate conflict so we can check in with everyone’s needs and take action that will satisfy enough interests to end the conflict or at least restart the negotiation.

If you are in any type of management for your organization, it’s very likely that at some point you’ll encounter negative conflict that needs to be de-escalated. These same mediation techniques can help you diffuse a situation before it gets out of hand. 

The best solution is for an organization to do their best to head off negative conflict in the first place, but that’s another story you can read about here. In the meantime…

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5 Steps to De-Escalate Conflict

5 Steps to De-Escalate Conflict

As we move at an ever faster pace in this complex world of AI, political division, environmental change, ever shifting ways of working together and resolving differences, and dare I say it –  general incivility – I want to try to simplify one of the most common things I see, and get questions about, in my everyday work. People ask:

How do I de-escalate conflict?

First let’s talk a little theory…

Conflict Escalation is when two or more people, or groups of people, are not meeting each others’ needs and head toward a less communicative side of the Conflict Curve (see the chart below). The escalation of conflict can happen quickly or slowly. Over the course of seconds, all the way to years. It can look like a child throwing a tantrum over a toy, to members of political parties losing trust in one another, or worse.  

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When to Get Help for Workplace Disputes or Conflict

When to Get Help for Workplace Disputes or Conflict

An organization, no matter what size, can find itself facing a conflict so entrenched, so ugly, that a key person is paralyzing the productivity of an entire group, a department is chronically unable to come up with a new idea, or leadership is in such disarray that partners aren’t speaking to each other and some are ready to walk.

Underneath almost every negative conflict are interpersonal relationships that are rubbing each other the wrong way. When emotions run high (especially fueled by fear or anxiety) people can dig their heels into their position and block their ears to anyone who tries to reason logically with them.

Mediators are specially trained to work with teams in these situations. They understand relationship dynamics in play and how emotions can run amok.  

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What if your employees are afraid to speak out?

What if your employees are afraid to speak out?

"See something, say something" or "Snitches get stitches?" headlines the 2023 Ethical Culture Report, recently released by Ethisphere Institute. The standout for me from this analysis of global trends in org culture was about unethical behavior in the workplace and how, or if, employees are reporting it.

What struck me is that even though employees responded that they were willing to report misconduct when they saw it, only about half of them actually did so.

Why do they make the choice not to report misconduct?

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Kick Off 2023 With Strong Team Agreements

Kick Off 2023 With Strong Team Agreements

As team lead, manager, or head of your organization, you want to ensure that your teams are cohesive, collaborative, high performing, and strong enough to weather any stormy seas of conflict, crisis, and disruptive behaviors.

This is the stuff of team agreements.

What I sometimes hear from folks is, "Sure, yeah, of course our teams have agreements. Everybody's on the same page." What turns out to be true is that their team agreements are unspoken, unwritten and un-negotiated—meaning, not designed in any thoughtful or clear manner that will set the team up for success.

They are informal agreements that have become the rules of behavior over time and morphed into the organizational culture. They become "the way things are done around here."

For better or worse, they are binding on team members. They may not be spelled out in the policies and procedures manual (or even ethical or legal...), but it doesn't take long for new team members to figure out what is rewarded and what is punished. The so-called agreements continue as the norm, and nobody questions if they're good for the team, the workforce, or the organization.


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Conflict resolution in the dog park

Conflict resolution in the dog park

From where I sit as a mediator, conflict advisor and coach for abrasive leaders, there is conflict everywhere I look.

There are the good conflict outcomes I see when opposing ideas from dissimilar people get brought into the open and wrangled with toward a positive result for all; and the less-than-good outcomes that lead to violence, nasty lawsuits or complex court cases.

I love my seat at this messy table, and I respect the people around the world who sit at similar tables in the worthy work of engaging in and teaching conflict resolution.

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How We’re Getting Hooked into Conflict at Work

How We’re Getting Hooked into Conflict at Work

Have you ever said: “That person just presses my buttons”? If you’re human, then you’ve felt this at some time or another. You might recall a time when you reacted strongly to it emotionally, and the result was an escalation of the situation, maybe even a fight.

This can happen to the most enlightened, secure, experienced leader or manager. I have seen it often in my conflict engagement work with leaders and teams — and, I confess, I have hot buttons too!

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The Game-Changing Tool for Productive (and Pleasant) Work Conversations

The Game-Changing Tool for Productive (and Pleasant) Work Conversations

What I know from my work as conflict advisor/mediator is that tough conversations are inevitable - in our work lives, community lives, and personal lives. And who in their right mind wants to have a difficult conversation?

Right - no one! So what we tend to do is avoid it, put if off for a day, a week, even a year. But does the issue go away? No, in fact, it festers and grows until it becomes something much more destructive and even dangerous. (That’s too often when we’re brought in to mediate a dispute or conflict that’s gotten out of control over months or even years.)

As an expert in conflict, I’m here to tell you conflict cannot be swept under the rug!

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (Rudeness and Lies): Part 2

How to Have Difficult Conversations (Rudeness and Lies): Part 2

“'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty,” said Judith Martin aka Miss Manners in 2011. The First Lady of Etiquette was being interviewed about her years as a journalist.

Her nugget of wisdom still feels relevant today – maybe more so in an era of social-media bashing and bullying.

This has me thinking about honesty’s place in the work environment, so here are some thoughts in the second in our series of spotlighting difficult conversations— the kind that raise hackles, taint relationships and spark unproductive conflict—and how to address them.

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Why you may be blind to bad behavior at work and the harm it is causing

Why you may be blind to bad behavior at work and the harm it is causing

As leaders, we hold the responsibility of ensuring our workplaces are safe, healthy environments for our workers. We want our employees to be happy and productive. Does any management team sit around the boardroom table and pull up the powerpoint, “How can we perpetuate workplace bullying?”

Of course not! Except…that’s exactly what we’re doing when we accept the myths about leadership that blind us to the damage that abrasive behavior is doing to our workers and our company. It’s more comfortable to accept these myths as explanations than it is to initiate the difficult conversations that must be had.

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Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior

Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior

The Cambridge University Human Resources Department defines behavior as being unacceptable if:

It is unwanted by the recipient.

It has the purpose or effect of violating the recipient’s dignity and/or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment

Unacceptable behavior is serious business.

As a conflict advisor and coach, I’ve worked with countless leaders who didn’t know they were exhibiting unacceptable behavior. I’m talking about more than a one-time personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that chips away at person’s morale and, literally, ability to do their job. It’s behavior that needs addressing before it permeates an entire organization.

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (When You Know You're Right): Part 1

How to Have Difficult Conversations (When You Know You're Right): Part 1

“They may forget what you said—but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl Buechner had the right idea in 1971, you’ve since heard variations: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!

In the heat of a workplace disagreement or tough conversation (or person) that hooks us emotionally—these are the moments we need to remember these words most. But it’s exactly when we forget them. Our emotions get the better of us and we say things we don’t mean or, worse, that we regret later. The destruction that follows is swift and sometimes really difficult to repair.

Workplace relationships can be tricky, because while most people say “I truly want your honest feedback” they aren’t actually telling the truth. Even stickier is how we feel about telling someone higher up the command chain when they’re wrong.

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The #1 Tool You Need to Manage Toxic Behavior at Work

The #1 Tool You Need to Manage Toxic Behavior at Work

“It’s not sweat or revenue that makes companies tick; it’s trust,” says John Hall writing for Forbes.com. Trust is a foundational principle of the work we do with teams at Resologics, which is why we study interpersonal relationship factors in the workplace that either enhance trust or erode trust.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on the level of trust within a workplace. The most poisonous situation I see that challenges trust involves the abrasive coworker or leader.

We see how a persistent pattern of disrespectful, aggressive, even bullying behavior drives people away from that individual and the goals they're trying to accomplish. It erodes trust in the individuals at the receiving end of this behavior, and also in the perception that management isn’t doing anything to address the problem they are experiencing so acutely.

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10 Quick Tips for Leading Team Conversations in Stressful Situations

10 Quick Tips for Leading Team Conversations in Stressful Situations

Crisis situations can bring out the best — and the worst — in leaders, teams, employees, partners. We’re only human, and stressful situations cause humans to react emotionally, which tends to show up as anger, fear, aggression, anxiety, quick and poor decisions, and interpersonal conflict.

Let’s face it: If you have more than two people in a room tasked to accomplish something, you have the possibility of conflict — different ideas, personalities, “conflict hooks” all bouncing against each other. As common as it is in normal circumstances, conflict multiplies exponentially in unforeseen situations and crises.

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“Time’s Up” on Bad Leadership Behavior: Lessons From Scott Rudin’s Story

“Time’s Up” on Bad Leadership Behavior: Lessons From Scott Rudin’s Story

The Washington Post headline says it all: “Scott Rudin’s bad behavior was just another Hollywood cliche until a new generation said time’s up.” You may know Scott Rudin as an award-winning film, television and theater producer, whose film successes include No Country for Old Men, Lady Bird, Fences, The Social Network, Clueless, and Broadway shows like The Book of Mormon.

For me as a conflict advisor and Boss Whispering® coach, Scott Rudin is the poster child of the many leaders out there who are poisoning their organizations with their disrespectful, disruptive behavior. And I’m grateful it’s been brought to light for the sake of all those people who have been emotionally harmed by an abrasive leader.

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How to Find Out if Chronic Bad Behavior is Poisoning Your Workplace

How to Find Out if Chronic Bad Behavior is Poisoning Your Workplace

“It’s not sweat or revenue that makes companies tick; it’s trust,” says John Hall writing for Forbes.com. “Trust touches every area of business. Research published by Harvard Business Review bears this out: Workers at companies where trust is high report 106% greater energy in the office, 74% lower stress levels, 76% greater engagement, and 50% more productivity than their peers at low-trust businesses.”

Trust is a foundational principle of the work we do with teams at Resologics, which is why we study interpersonal relationship factors in the workplace that either enhance trust or erode trust.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on the level of trust that bring the outcomes you see in the stats above.

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The High Costs Of Unmanaged Conflict In Your Organization

The High Costs Of Unmanaged Conflict In Your Organization

Teams conflict can result in positive or negative outcomes, but unmanaged conflict nearly always results in negative outcomes that can be measured in the form of real dollars lost. Conflict is a given, but the outcomes of that conflict are a choice. What are the consequences of choosing to ignore conflict?

Estimating the costs of unmanaged conflict

We have developed a survey tool to help our clients (team leaders, startup partners and other professionals) identify and quantify the likely costs of conflict to their particular organization. Our "Cost of Conflict Calculator" tool estimates costs using averaged industry data and a team's dynamic information. The survey questions are designed to collectively support an estimate of past and future dollar costs of the conflict their team is experiencing.

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Got Conflict? How to Measure the Dollar Cost of Negative Conflict in Your Workplace

Got Conflict? How to Measure the Dollar Cost of Negative Conflict in Your Workplace

Got Conflict? Is it helping or hurting your team? Find out right now by measuring the dollar costs.

“Show me the money!”

In my work with companies around conflict and its costs, I have heard that iconic statement from many, many people. Business savvy folks want to know what a conflict is actually costing them in real dollars. We set out in 2013 to build a single calculator that would show exactly that, and the result is the Cost of Conflict Calculator™. A few years later and over 2,000 responses (and counting as we continue to successfully offer this tool), that journey has reinforced three major points:

  1. There is a duality to conflict. Conflict will always exist and there are positive and negative outcomes from conflict depending upon how it is managed.

  2. Creativity and innovation are deeply affected by how a work team deals with conflicting ideas and task conflicts.

  3. We are able to measure and put a value on the positive and negative outcome of conflicts.

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Three Ways To Diagnose Disruptive Behavior That's Hurting Your Company

Three Ways To Diagnose Disruptive Behavior That's Hurting Your Company

When it comes to human behavior (especially predicting and managing it), professionals in the field talk about "measuring the unmeasurable." If you've spent any time in almost any workplace, you can see how "measuring" behavior and its effects could be a thorny effort.

Most leadership assessments I've seen are based on important skills such as executing strategy, hiring, retention, succession, team and change management. However, when the rubber meets the road, it's an individual's personal characteristics and style that can make or break their success as a leader.

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