5 Steps to De-Escalate Conflict

5 Steps to De-Escalate Conflict

As we move at an ever faster pace in this complex world of AI, political division, environmental change, ever shifting ways of working together and resolving differences, and dare I say it –  general incivility – I want to try to simplify one of the most common things I see, and get questions about, in my everyday work. People ask:

How do I de-escalate conflict?

First let’s talk a little theory…

Conflict Escalation is when two or more people, or groups of people, are not meeting each others’ needs and head toward a less communicative side of the Conflict Curve (see the chart below). The escalation of conflict can happen quickly or slowly. Over the course of seconds, all the way to years. It can look like a child throwing a tantrum over a toy, to members of political parties losing trust in one another, or worse.  

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: When It’s Not Just a Personality Conflict

Abrasive Behavior at Work: When It’s Not Just a Personality Conflict

It’s common to accept the abrasive behavior of someone in your workforce as just another cost of doing business. Especially if that person is in a leadership position or perceived as “too valuable” to ruffle any feathers, we’re expected to just let it slide no matter how toxic their behavior becomes.

This could be a big mistake. Choosing to avoid, excuse, or dismiss abrasive behavior in your organization is harmful — it erodes employee motivation, organizational productivity, and customer and stakeholder trust. For the individuals who are targeted? It can become a persistent, wearying, hopeless experience that leaches away their emotional and physical health, especially devastating during these days of stressful post-pandemic adjustment.

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Business-Busting Conflicts are Frequent in Startup Teams

Business-Busting Conflicts are Frequent in Startup Teams

In the years I’ve worked as mediator, conflict coach, trainer, and confidant, I’ve seen hundreds of startups in conflict crisis mode — in the midst of amazing ideas, great funding, market possibilities and bright futures.

For a variety of predictable systemic reasons they had gone over the cliff so not only did they need to get their jobs done, they needed to also rebuild their teams, and in some cases, their close relationships, from the bottom up.

Back in 2013, I pulled together some statistics and takeaways on startups who fail due to conflict, drawn from my personal experience, interviews with founders, and some curiosity-inspired digging. As far as I can tell, the stats still hold up today, and I’m still working with startup teams on these same issues. So it feels worthy and important to share this information again.

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The High Costs Of Unmanaged Conflict In Your Organization

The High Costs Of Unmanaged Conflict In Your Organization

Teams conflict can result in positive or negative outcomes, but unmanaged conflict nearly always results in negative outcomes that can be measured in the form of real dollars lost. Conflict is a given, but the outcomes of that conflict are a choice. What are the consequences of choosing to ignore conflict?

Estimating the costs of unmanaged conflict

We have developed a survey tool to help our clients (team leaders, startup partners and other professionals) identify and quantify the likely costs of conflict to their particular organization. Our "Cost of Conflict Calculator" tool estimates costs using averaged industry data and a team's dynamic information. The survey questions are designed to collectively support an estimate of past and future dollar costs of the conflict their team is experiencing.

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Got Conflict? How to Measure the Dollar Cost of Negative Conflict in Your Workplace

Got Conflict? How to Measure the Dollar Cost of Negative Conflict in Your Workplace

Got Conflict? Is it helping or hurting your team? Find out right now by measuring the dollar costs.

“Show me the money!”

In my work with companies around conflict and its costs, I have heard that iconic statement from many, many people. Business savvy folks want to know what a conflict is actually costing them in real dollars. We set out in 2013 to build a single calculator that would show exactly that, and the result is the Cost of Conflict Calculator™. A few years later and over 2,000 responses (and counting as we continue to successfully offer this tool), that journey has reinforced three major points:

  1. There is a duality to conflict. Conflict will always exist and there are positive and negative outcomes from conflict depending upon how it is managed.

  2. Creativity and innovation are deeply affected by how a work team deals with conflicting ideas and task conflicts.

  3. We are able to measure and put a value on the positive and negative outcome of conflicts.

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How to Build Constructive Conflict into Your Team

How to Build Constructive Conflict into Your Team

It is never too soon to start building the foundation of constructive conflict into your team(s), to harness that creative power as well as preempt potential negative conflict.

Bottom-line reason? Conflict is one of the most powerful tools teams can have. Harnessing constructive conflict creates an exciting environment of innovation, forward momentum and productivity. Negative outcomes from conflict emerge when it is ignored.

I’m going to share with you some of the conflict-handling behaviors you might be able to spot in your team members - or yourself!

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Creative Tension in the Workplace: Who needs it? You do!

Creative Tension in the Workplace: Who needs it? You do!

Creative Tension Zone is where huge ideas emerge, innovation thrives, and empires are built! The most successful workplace teams know how to manage constructive conflict to encourage creative tension. What every leader needs to know about leveraging the power of conflict in a team.

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Dear Startup Investor: Why You Need to Know about Conflict Before You Commit

Dear Startup Investor: Why You Need to Know about Conflict Before You Commit

The truth is that starting up is one thing, but staying alive is another. Research shows that half of new business startups fail within the first five years of operation, and over 60% fail due to negative outcomes from conflict. Noam Wasserman’s research on startups, described in his best-selling book The Founder’s Dilemmas: Anticipating and Avoiding the Pitfalls That Can Sink a Startup, reveals this: Most business startups ‘sink’ not because of lack of planning, failure to test the market or undercapitalization, but rather due to interpersonal complexities, destructive co-founder disputes, destructive team dynamics, and people problems.

Another truth is that conflict is a necessary part of successfully running a business. This is because conflict is a natural occurrence which can happen any time two or more individuals have different ideas, wants, and needs. Conflict is normal in any environment. However, if not properly managed, conflict can escalate into disagreement and become entrenched to a point of no return for a young, fragile business.

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9 Early Warning Signs of Workplace Conflict

9 Early Warning Signs of Workplace Conflict

Conflict doesn't just appear out of nowhere. There are always signs warning that a conflict is developing. Managers who know what these signs are can be more effective leaders by confronting the problem before it rages out of hand. By resolving conflict in the early stages, the company will run much more smoothly and the overall productivity level will be increased considerably. What are these subtle signs of conflict to look for?...

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Bullet Proof Your Team Dynamic - Measure It!

Bullet Proof Your Team Dynamic - Measure It!

So, who in the world wants to really see what their team dynamic looks like by holding up a big mirror? Fast paced, mission driven teams who know that even with the best idea in the world, without a great team dynamic, they’ve got nothing. That’s who… We searched for an ideal tool to help teams and team leaders look objectively at themselves in a non-threatening way. We landed on one that is both proven and ideal for small to mid-size teams (2-40 people). We’ve found that when we match this diagnostic tool together with our conflict focused services, the teams improve dramatically as do their results.

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Reactions to Conflict: Childhood Decides

Reactions to Conflict: Childhood Decides

Seeking to understand the root of conflict is a complex task. The importance of early experience cannot be overstated as we attempt to navigate and resolve conflicts in families, communities, and within systems. Often unnoticed, but critically important, is the effect of early childhood experiences and the results that may appear later in life, making traditional mediation and conflict resolution efforts appear at the very least confusing, and often daunting. For ombuds, mediators, and alternative dispute resolution practitioners, increasing our awareness of the ways in which childhood decides is helpful in our understanding of how human beings react and respond in the face of conflict.

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Got Innovation? Quantify your team’s conflict capacity with the Innovation Estimator™

Got Innovation? Quantify your team’s conflict capacity with the Innovation Estimator™

I last wrote about the new Conflict Calculator™ and the benefits of measuring the costs associated with negative conflict outcomes in teams. This time I’d like to focus on the flip side of that equation, the cost to a business for not having a team dynamic that embraces and uses conflict for positive outcomes.

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Got Conflict? Measure the $ Cost with the Conflict Calculator™

Got Conflict? Measure the $ Cost with the Conflict Calculator™

“Show me the money!” After a year of interviews, research, and working on the Resologics model I have heard that statement from many, many people. Business savvy folks want to know what a conflict is actually costing them in real dollars. We set out in early November of 2013 to build a single calculator that would show exactly that.

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Business Busting Conflicts are Real and Frequent in Startup Teams

Business Busting Conflicts are Real and Frequent in Startup Teams

Destructive conflicts are real and frequent in startup companies. Almost two thirds of all startups that fail, fail due to interpersonal conflicts, disputes, and problems within the management team (Wasserman). 

In 2012, after having worked for almost five years as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer, and confidant in more than 300 business conflict management cases, I was struck by a few cases in particular. They were cases involving ....

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