Forbes Coaches Council: 15 Ways to be professional when you’re disagreeing with your boss

[Excerpted from Expert Panel, Forbes Coaches Council post on Jan. 13, 2020]

As a Conflict Adviser, I have seen my share of cases where a disagreement has escalated into destructive conflict that affects the entire organization with negative outcomes. When people we work with learn the tools to handle these situations more effectively, not only is disaster averted, but relationships improve and more things get done.

I’m honored to be among these experts who have weighed-in on this topic in valuable ways. I’m sure you’ll find at least one, if not all, of the tips in this article handy to have when you find yourself in a situation of disagreeing with your boss (or anyone else in your workplace, for that matter)….

Employers and workers don't see eye-to-eye on everything, but their disagreements should never devolve into hostility. A workplace where people hate each other is not one that's conducive to production. Instead, as an employee, you should take necessary measures to ensure that things don't get out of hand.

When you disagree with your boss, there are certain things that you can and should do to ensure that the situation doesn't get unbearable. Fifteen professionals from Forbes Coaches Council examine the best steps that an employee can take to keep the peace within the workplace, even in the face of a disagreement with a superior.

1. Pick Your Battles

While being authentic with your boss is essential, knowing when to use your voice and in what situation is critical for success. When it is something small and not so important, it is sometimes OK to let things go. When it is something important to you, use data or a business case to back it up. Communicate in a way that your boss can hear you and be wise in how and when you bring it up. - Monica Thakrar, MTI

2. Disagree With Dignity

Disagreeing doesn't make the other person wrong. Honor the other person's point of view: "I appreciate what you are saying,” or “I see your point." Then offer an option: "Are you open to another viewpoint?" or "I'd like to offer an additional take on this." If you feel your boss's ire, find out in private how they prefer to be approached with a different opinion. Keep the communication channels open. - Mary Pat Knight, Leaders Inspired

3. Aim To Inform And Support, Not Confront

When you disagree with your boss, it's important to express where you disagree from a place of alignment, supporting your boss, and to not be confrontational in your approach. It's also equally important to see the merits of their approach and look for a solution that achieves both schools of thought, whenever possible. But ultimately, reassure your boss that your public front will be a unified one. - Lisa Rangel, Chameleon Resumes LLC

4. Dissent Respectfully

Dissent takes courage, and most team members may go along just to get along. Consider taking the bolder step to dissent, with one rule only: do so respectfully! We can disagree without being disagreeable, and if you point out the advantages, the dangers or both, in a competing idea, your courage to do so will always make the eventual idea chosen that much stronger. Act boldly, with respect! - John Hittler, Evoking Genius

5. Show Confidence And Humility

Although disagreements are part of every team member's work world, we need to approach our boss with both confidence and humility. To be confident, we must first do our homework about the challenging issue. It's very important to have all our facts and points lined up and then practice the presentation. Being humble in our discussion is key to being heard. Humility opens up the dialogue. - Terri Klass, Terri Klass Consulting

6. Ask Great Questions

Leaders need information from a different perspective. If you understand your boss is making decisions with the information they have or from their experiences, you can create a conversation wherein you ask enough questions to understand their point of view. The more thoughtful and intelligent your questions are, the more respect you will gain and the more influence you will have with them. - Lynda Foster, Cortex Leadership Consulting

7. Don't Take It Personally

When you disagree with your employer, it's important to understand that they have a better view of the bigger picture that you may not be aware of. Understand that it's all about the business and the growth of that business. Those disagreements help you grow and hopefully better understand the business and the direction your employer is trying to take it. The worst thing to do is take it personally. - Claudette Gadsden, Coach Claudette & Associates

8. Make Your Conflict Productive

Productive conflict is the cornerstone of a healthy working relationship. Ignoring a disagreement will only foster problems later in the relationship. It is helpful to know the communication style and preferences of the individual person you are communicating with to approach them in a way that will resonate with them. If you are not sure, start by asking them if you can offer a different view. - David Galowich, Terra Firma Leadership LLC

9. Practice Reflective Listening

Reflecting back what someone has said (whether it is your boss or peer) lets them know that you have heard their idea or thought. After the reflection, ask, "Is that right?" If so, then get buy-in by asking, "Are you open to hearing a different perspective?" This way, it becomes a respectful dialogue where all perspectives are honored. Using this tool is an effective way to dissolve conflict. - Melinda Fouts, Ph.D., Success Starts With You

10. Get Curious About Their Perspective 

We each come to life with a unique perspective. Your boss has a personal agenda, goals and challenges based on their life's lens. These factors affect how they see their role and the desired outcomes of interactions. Asking questions to help you see a situation from their eyes will not only allow you to understand their outlook, but it will also allow you to make suggestions that fit with their agenda. - Deborah Goldstein, DRIVEN Professionals

11. Find A Common Goal You Both Agree On

Focus the conversation on what the business needs by framing your opinion around the common goal and underlying values that are driving your point of view. For example, "To stick with our desire to increase customer service, I believe that this would be another option." This step will avoid the sticky "I'm right, you're wrong" dynamic and keep both people elevated on what's most important. - Bonnie Davis, Destination Up

12. Agree On How To Disagree

All productive relationships will have disagreements as part of building great things. Normalize this concept with your boss in a time of calm and agreement and then build an understanding about how it's best to disagree with them when the time comes. Ask this question, "When the time comes that I feel like I need to disagree with you, is there a best way for me to deliver that kind of information?" - Mark Batson Baril, Resologics

13. Stop And Ask The Four ‘Whys’

Stop and ask yourself: "Why is this important to me?", "Why is this important to those I disagree with?", "Why is this important to other(s) directly and indirectly involved?", "Why does this matter in the long run or future?" Answer each question four times to get past your own bias, snap judgments and easy answers. Review to see other points of view that may reframe how you approach the issue. - Sharon Sayler, MBA, PCC, Competitive Edge Communications

14. Use ‘Yes, And’

So you disagree with your boss. It happens. In our complex workplaces, there's rarely a clear right and wrong. To express your views without diminishing theirs, steal from our friends in improv and use "yes, and." This technique says "your point could be true, and here's another option." "Yes, and" avoids the brain freeze that comes when we hear "but." Try it and watch how it opens up discussion. - Darcy Eikenberg, PCC, Red Cape Revolution

15. Book A Buy-In Session

Public disagreements come across confrontational. If your boss is open to it, book a one-on-one. See if you can get buy-in from your boss before you go on record as disagreeing. I call this a "buy-in meeting." Run your disagreement by the powers with words and phrases like "possible alternative strategy" and so on. This helps them get credit for the idea and gets you in a nonconfrontational session. - John M. O'Connor, Career Pro Inc.