10 Quick Tips for Leading Team Conversations in Stressful Situations
/[Updated from March, 2020]
Crisis situations can bring out the best — and the worst — in leaders, teams, employees, partners. We’re only human, and stressful situations cause humans to react emotionally, which tends to show up as anger, fear, aggression, anxiety, quick and poor decisions, and interpersonal conflict.
Let’s face it: If you have more than two people in a room tasked to accomplish something, you have the possibility of conflict — different ideas, personalities, “conflict hooks” all bouncing against each other. As common as it is in normal circumstances, conflict multiplies exponentially in unforeseen situations and crises.
You as the leader are responsible for ensuring a positive exchange and productive outcome, no matter what the circumstance. Your team must see you as calm, in charge, and able to steer the group toward productive conversation so that the crisis can be managed with sound decisions.
The first step to diffuse conflict and bring a conversation (and team) together is to set the example in your own behavior. Your words have power, and they can lead your group either to resistance (read: unproductive conflict) or to cooperation (read: positive, productive conflict that gets things done).
Resistance or Cooperation?
Here are 10 quick conversational behavior hacks that will go a long way to inspire cooperation in your people, and allow positive, healthy, productive conflict to happen:
1. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements.
Example: "I want to respond to your questions, but I need some time to calm down first."
2. Convey that you have been listening attentively.
Example: "It sounds like your biggest concern is [ ]. Is that right?"
3. Make "appropriate" eye contact — look them in the eye so they know you are engaged with them. (Note: This one is culturally-dependent. It is essential for the recipient to feel comfortable.)
4. Express a desire to see both parties get, as much as possible, what they want from the exchange.
Example: "I'd like to see both of us walk out of here happy."
5. Acknowledge responsibility for part of the problem whenever possible.
Example: "You know, I hadn't seen it before, but I think I did make some mistakes in the way I approached you."
6. Acknowledge the other party's perceptions whenever possible.
Example: "I haven't considered this matter from that perspective before, but I think I can see how it looked to you."
7. Identify areas of agreement with the other party whenever possible — especially if they do not recognize that such areas of agreement exist.
Example: "You know, I agree with you that we ought to make time management more of a priority for our office in the future."
8. Allowing the other party to "let off steam." (Note: this requires extreme self-control, but if the other party has not expressed themselves previously, this can be very valuable.) Just listen.
9. Avoid assumptions.
Example: "Could you help me understand why having these specific days off is important to you?"
10. Indicate that the other party has value and merit to their position.
Example: "You are absolutely right about that."
You can see that in employing these small shifts to the way you communicate, you haven’t compromised your authority, power or point of view; rather you have created an open space for your people to calm down, feel heard, and to take an active part in the process and solutions that you all want to see happen.
How is your team doing in terms of cooperation in the? In what ways are you experiencing resistance in any of your group members?
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.