What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

It takes one leader to lead a vision, motivate a team, boost productivity and increase retention. It also only takes one to disrupt a company, erode employee motivation, constrict productivity, and increase attrition. In a volatile market that’s already stressed, the power of leadership is multiplied. In the higher-risk, hyper-competitive environment we are seeing now, these behaviors will exact a toll on a company’s business.

The solution is simple, but it may not be easy: changing abrasive behavior.

What does abrasive behavior look like?

Let’s start with some clarifying definitions. The Boss Whispering Institute defines abrasive behavior as  “words and actions [creating] interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors, eroding employee motivation and organizational productivity. Abrasive conduct can range on a continuum from mildly irritating to severely disruptive (otherwise known as workplace bullying).”

Founder of The Boss Whispering Institute Dr. Laura Crawshaw exploded the myth that so-called “bully bosses” intentionally set out to harm employees, revealing just the opposite. Her research showed that some leaders typically were blind to the wounds they inflicted; they lacked the ability to read others’ emotions, and didn’t even know they were being harmful. The great news is that these leaders are often coachable, and able to change their behaviors.

Why is it so important to identify and address abrasive behavior?

As Conflict Advisers, we work with conflict situations that can make or break an organization. We have seen situations in which personalities have clashed and — unmanaged — have escalated to the point of costly court-ordered dispute resolution, high employee turnover, or even team/partner separations.

A person often rises to a leadership position because of their outstanding ability to execute the technical tasks of their work. While this is an important aspect of leadership, it’s not the only one.

An effective leader also needs to be able to “move people in the right direction — to motivate them to do the right thing at the right time, which requires interpersonal competence,” says Dr. Crawshaw. “Competent leaders...know how to relate to coworkers in socially acceptable ways to promote stable working relationships and ensure the smooth flow of work. They’re insightful enough to consistently interact in a manner that their coworkers perceive as respectful.”

Herein lies the problem. A leader who hasn’t yet honed these interpersonal skills or capacity is often not respectful, relies on aggression to motivate others and ‘flogs the work forward.’ Unbeknownst to them, their behavior causes emotional distress in their coworkers. Where the leader may see quality-checking, others see over-control. Where the leader sees calling out an example, others see public humiliation. Where the leader sees instruction, others see condescension.

The abrasive leader gets things done, but at what cost?

“Sometimes you have to kick ass when the heat is on…”

Dr. Crawshaw tells of a surgeon she coached who made this case, and that “he needed to shout, throw surgical instruments, and kick doors to get his assistants to perform adequately.”

The opposite effect is what in fact happened. His team was more unnerved by his angry, erratic behavior and made more errors, not fewer. Recent neuroscientific research shows that in response to threat, the brain’s capacity to think analytically and solve problems becomes impaired. And we know that high stress levels set up roadblocks to our mental alertness, health, energy, and personal and professional relationships.

Our own research at Resologics shows that the costs of negative conflict caused by destructive behaviors can be measured in dollars and, if unaddressed, can have serious consequences to the health of an organization, saying nothing to the human cost of it all.

The abrasive leader doesn’t know their behavior is harmful

The abrasive leader doesn’t mean to do harm to others. They don’t lie awake at night, rubbing their hands, plotting how to make their coworkers miserable the next day. They typically don’t even see that their behavior is having an impact on coworkers’ emotions — they don’t understand why people are upset. ‘It’s nothing personal, it’s just business. The job has to get done.’

Just like you and me, they too fear failure, or being seen as incompetent. They feel the stress and the anxiety as the uncertainty for their future the same way most people do. The only difference is how they handle it, and not everyone has developed the skills needed to be a great leader yet. Fortunately these individuals also tend to be cognitively brilliant, have great instincts, and want to be successful — meaning they are coachable.

They need to develop insight into the perceived effect their behavior has on others, and reframe their expectation that ‘everyone should be just like me!’ They need to learn how to gain control of their aggressive defense tactics against perceived threats, and to develop strategies to “achieve their objectives with carrots rather than sticks.”

Helping this person shift their behavior starts with reporting this pattern of unprofessional behavior by those who have been affected by, or are observing, them. The organizational culture and leadership must be open hearing those distress signals and committed to ensure a safe workplace that protects their employees from psychological harm.

Professional intervention and specialized coaching are effective solutions to this situation. It takes difficult conversations, courage of reporting parties, tough love, and time, but most of all bravery on the leader’s behalf to recognize they have behaviors that need to change. And the results are worth it!