Measuring the Unmeasurable: How to Assess Disruptive Behavior in Your Workplace

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Measuring the Unmeasurable: How to Assess Disruptive Behavior in Your Workplace

When it comes to human behavior (especially predicting and managing it), professionals in the field talk about "measuring the unmeasurable."

Most leadership assessments I've seen are based on important skills such as executing strategy, hiring, retention, succession, team and change management. However, when the rubber meets the road, it's an individual's personal characteristics and style that can make or break their success as a leader.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on achieving outcomes. The cost to a leadership team that ignores—or accepts—abrasive behaviors is high.

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Four Steps to Help De-Escalate a Conflict

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Four Steps to Help De-Escalate a Conflict

Conflict De-Escalation is a slowing down (or stopping) of the escalation of conflict. In the mediation world, de-escalation techniques are used to reduce tension, hostility and emotional intensity during the mediation process. 

We de-escalate conflict so we can check in with everyone’s needs and take action that will satisfy enough interests to end the conflict or at least restart the negotiation.

If you are in any type of management for your organization, it’s very likely that at some point you’ll encounter negative conflict that needs to be de-escalated. These same mediation techniques can help you diffuse a situation before it gets out of hand. 

The best solution is for an organization to do their best to head off negative conflict in the first place, but that’s another story you can read about here. In the meantime…

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What's behind the leader who behaves badly at work

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What's behind the leader who behaves badly at work

For professionals responsible for a productive, engaged, harmonious workplace, it’s crucial to know what will be disruptive to that environment. Especially when the culprit could likely be a leader in the company.

What do we need to know, and do, about leaders who are regularly behaving badly and harming everyone in their orbit?

Let's get to know these folks, and what may be behind that behavior...

“Abrasive leaders become winners…”

First off, we know that abrasive leaders aren’t lacking in ability. Often it's their technical competence that led to their rise to management. It's this competence that often has management, fellow leaders, and stakeholders choosing to ignore the behavior—even as it continues to poison the workplace.


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When the abrasive leader is THE leader (If I knew then what I know now)

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When the abrasive leader is THE leader (If I knew then what I know now)

As a conflict advisor I worked with a large nonprofit organization over several years with mediation and consulting work around conflict within their various departments.

I began hearing through the grapevine that this particular person we’ll call Marie was a very, very difficult person to work for. 

At first I thought they had to be talking about someone else! I’d met Marie, and heard a lot of folks in that community talk about how brilliant she was and one of the most likable and charismatic people you’d ever want to meet. 

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What if your employees are afraid to speak out?

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What if your employees are afraid to speak out?

"See something, say something" or "Snitches get stitches?" headlines the 2023 Ethical Culture Report, recently released by Ethisphere Institute. The standout for me from this analysis of global trends in org culture was about unethical behavior in the workplace and how, or if, employees are reporting it.

What struck me is that even though employees responded that they were willing to report misconduct when they saw it, only about half of them actually did so.

Why do they make the choice not to report misconduct?

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Solving the Abrasive Leader Dilemma – keep’em or let’em go?

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Solving the Abrasive Leader Dilemma – keep’em or let’em go?

In a recent HR meeting, I asked the legal team this question: “As an HR professional in an organization, what should you do if you discover that you have an abrasive leader (a bully) working in your company?”

In less than the time it took me to sit down from asking the question, all four HR attorneys agreed with each other that the answer was simple: “The person needs to be terminated immediately or as soon as you can line up the paper trail so you can fire them without repercussions.”

That was a pretty straightforward response as these sorts of panel discussions go – and brought into stark clarity for me the paralyzing dilemma that an abrasive leader can present to an organization.

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Are There Only Bad Guys or Good Guys in the Workplace?

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Are There Only Bad Guys or Good Guys in the Workplace?

In a world of Hollywood movies and childhood stories of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, it’s natural that we see ‘heroes’ and ‘villains’ in our lives. We’re the main characters in our stories, and the role of antagonist is often carried by those who make our lives difficult. For many in the workplace this means the boss.

Let’s reframe that script for a moment by remembering that our bosses (or anyone who has authority over us) are people too. They are main characters of their own story, with their own dreams and struggles and interests, trying to make it through life just like the rest of us.

So why do they struggle to be kind? Why do they feel they have to “flog work forward?” Why is aggression their go-to leadership style? How do we marry this discrepancy?

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What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

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What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

It takes one leader to lead a vision, motivate a team, boost productivity and increase retention. It also only takes one to disrupt a company, erode employee motivation, constrict productivity, and increase attrition. In a volatile market that’s already stressed, the power of leadership is multiplied. In the higher-risk, hyper-competitive environment we are seeing now, these behaviors will exact a toll on a company’s business. Today we’re going to focus on avoiding that toll.

The solution is simple, but it may not be easy: changing abrasive behavior.

What does abrasive behavior look like?

Let’s start with some clarifying definitions. The Boss Whispering Institute defines abrasive behavior as “words and actions [creating] interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors, eroding employee motivation and organizational productivity. Abrasive conduct can range on a continuum from mildly irritating to severely disruptive (otherwise known as workplace bullying).”

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

I’ve written plenty on how abrasive leadership isn’t conducive to a healthy, conflict-competent workplace environment. But what about the abrasive leader? How does this behavior affect them?

The defining traits that will damage an abrasive leader’s career will also damage their personal lives. An abrasive leader isn’t only likely to find themselves on the ropes professionally, they’re going to face real world consequences in every area of their life.

Common co-worker complaints of repeated behaviors are: public humiliation, unpredictable or demeaning behavior, yelling or lack of emotional control, inappropriate hostile or sexual comments or behaviors, maligning another’s character or reputation Do you think someone who exhibits these characteristics professionally suddenly flips a switch on their way out of the office to transform into a considerate, encouraging, or stable individual in their personal life?

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Time Capsules and Change

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Time Capsules and Change

Over the years, I have done my share of renovating houses or commercial buildings that I’ve owned. I developed the tradition of creating a time capsule and inserting it somewhere in the structure — behind a wall, under a floor — so that 100 years later somebody will uncover it. I love to imagine someone finding it and seeing a snapshot from the past tied to something dear to them, and me.

One renovation was a building built in the 1890s and needed a lot of work. The plan was to convert it to an office building to work in and lease out. Our hopes were super high and we were feeling really positive that we were onto something special with this new business concept, so the renovation was a labor of love (and a lot of our money).

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15 Proactive Strategies That Establish Entry-Level Professionals As Leaders

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15 Proactive Strategies That Establish Entry-Level Professionals As Leaders

From Expert Panel, Forbes Coaches Council, Forbes.com, December 11, 2019

Update From Mark, July 31, 2020: Although the current pandemic has had a significant effect on employment and new hiring for the foreseeable future, it is still important to perhaps more than ever to consider your reputation as a leader at any stage of your career. These tips are still relevant and I hope helpful as you navigate these challenging times and continue in your career.

As a newer employee, establishing your reputation among more seasoned colleagues can be a challenge. However, positioning yourself as a leader early on can have both immediate and long-lasting benefits in your career.

How can you stake your claim as a trustworthy future leader and prove your value to your senior co-workers? We asked a panel of Forbes Coaches Council members to share some lesser-known ways for greener employees to establish themselves as leaders. Their best tips are below.

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How to Build Trust in Your Team? Start with You, the Leader

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How to Build Trust in Your Team? Start with You, the Leader

It’s not an easy thing to spot - or accept - lack of trust from your team members. Erosion of trust could originate from any number of things: poor workplace policies, unsettling (true or untrue) rumors circulating around, lack of communication from management, disgruntled employee or partner disputes, or an organizational culture that doesn’t value its people.

Whatever the cause, the longer it persists the more difficult it is to rebuild that loss of trust. And the more dangerous it is to an organization’s ability to function successfully. Trust starts with leadership.

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