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Important Topics on Harnessing the Power of Conflict

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Four Myths That Perpetuate Abrasive Behavior At Work

When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.

What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.

When your business team starts spiraling down

A healthy business team is one with strong relationships and vibrant engagement. It’s a beautiful place to be, where people feel heard and creative ideas bump against each other in an open, constructive way. We call it the Creative Tension Zone and it’s the dream (or should be) of any organization with an aim toward consistent growth.

Teams fall out of this place for various reasons, and the spiral downward can devolve into destructive conflict. It is critical to know where you and your team are on the Conflict Curve in order to make good decisions in “real time” so you can recognize what’s happening and pull your team back from the Conflict Spiral abyss.

The Difference Between HR and Organizational Ombuds Functions

On average an ombuds will see 3-5% of an organization’s members in the course of a year. Our work as organizational ombuds has increased steadily over the last couple of years, where we’re initially called in because someone in leadership is being dogged by a “small” conflict that won’t go away but keeps festering and growing until they can’t sweep it under the rug any longer. (From there, we typically enter a contractual arrangement with clients where we serve as their ongoing go-to ombuds, mediator, and conflict adviser.)

10 Ways an Ombudsman Can Increase Your Workplace Productivity

He could have been sitting in the corner of the conference room where I was convening as Organizational Ombuds for a team that was stuck - there was (emotional) clutter, plenty of discord, and a really difficult situation. Tension was high, people were venting. At any moment (my experience told me) someone could explode with frustration. It was like a freight train approaching the room, about to crash!

Creative Tension in the Workplace: Who needs it? You do!

Creative Tension Zone is where huge ideas emerge, innovation thrives, and empires are built! The most successful workplace teams know how to manage constructive conflict to encourage creative tension. What every leader needs to know about leveraging the power of conflict in a team.

Workplace Conflict: How to Deal with Hot Buttons

Have you ever said: “That person just presses my buttons”? We call these 'conflict hooks', because your reaction to the button-pusher has the potential to feed conflict. Understanding what conflict hooks are can help you and your team make better response choices.

9 Early Warning Signs of Workplace Conflict

Conflict doesn't just appear out of nowhere. There are always signs warning that a conflict is developing. Managers who know what these signs are can be more effective leaders by confronting the problem before it rages out of hand. By resolving conflict in the early stages, the company will run much more smoothly and the overall productivity level will be increased considerably. What are these subtle signs of conflict to look for?...

December 05, 2023

When you find yourself on the receiving end of conflict at work

December 05, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

In the heat of a tough conversation that hooks us (or the other guy) emotionally, those emotions can get the better of us. Our egos get slapped around, our precious values are attacked, even our personal safety can feel threatened.

The truth is that conflict is natural. When two or more people, or groups of people, are not meeting each other’s needs, conflict can arise. When managed well, the conflict can become a productive, creative exchange that brings out something new, collaborative and wonderful—positive conflict.

November 15, 2023

7 benefits to building conflict resilience into your org culture

November 15, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

Why build conflict resilience into your company’s culture?

Fact: In any business environment, challenges and disagreements WILL happen. For a productive and happy workplace it’s crucial to have a plan in place to manage and de-escalate negative conflicts—with the intention to head them off before they begin.
The costs of conflict to your business are real and they are high.

September 21, 2023

Four Steps to Help De-Escalate a Conflict

September 21, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

Conflict De-Escalation is a slowing down (or stopping) of the escalation of conflict. In the mediation world, de-escalation techniques are used to reduce tension, hostility and emotional intensity during the mediation process.

We de-escalate conflict so we can check in with everyone’s needs and take action that will satisfy enough interests to end the conflict or at least restart the negotiation.

If you are in any type of management for your organization, it’s very likely that at some point you’ll encounter negative conflict that needs to be de-escalated. These same mediation techniques can help you diffuse a situation before it gets out of hand.

The best solution is for an organization to do their best to head off negative conflict in the first place, but that’s another story you can read about here. In the meantime…

August 02, 2023

Bad behavior at work: when do you step in?

August 02, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

If you are a CEO, manager, HR professional, or business coach, please read on….

According to the Society of Resource Management (SHRM), 87% of employees say that workplace incivility has negatively affected their performance.

So, at this moment you can safely assume that one or more employees in your organization are on the receiving end of bad behavior — not only negatively affecting their performance, but also their morale and emotional and physical health.

June 15, 2023

What to Do When Abrasive Behavior Enters your Organization

June 15, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

[Excerpted from International Ombudsman Association (IOA) article by Mark Batson Baril, Dec. 21, 2020. Read the full article here: “What to Do When Abrasive Behavior Enters Your Organization,”]

In my work as a Conflict Resolver, Mediator and Ombuds, I have encountered 17 situations to date that have involved a leader with an abrasive leadership style. It’s been hard for me to admit, but it took eight of those cases over several years before I really understood what was going on — and what to do about it.

In most of those cases the teams and organizations worked toward agreements that more or less stuck and the team’s performance improved. Yet, lurking beneath those changes was the abrasive behavior of the leader/individual that had not changed, so had not been addressed in a substantial way.

May 25, 2023

Can This Partnership Be Saved?

May 25, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

The cofounder team of six people were all best friends. They threw in all their money and joined together to start this coffee/bakery business in Nevada. They had a really good go in the first couple of years – customer base growing steadily, lots of popularity and people coming into the business interested in what they were doing because of their unique products.

At some point a few years in, they started having disagreements about how things were getting done, who was working the hardest, who was being paid fairly, and who was accountable for which responsibilities. All while the business was in the middle of growing pains.

They called me in as a coach and we did some team coaching. In my process we did interviews and surveys with everyone at the bakery as well as outside stakeholders.

April 17, 2023

What's behind the leader who behaves badly at work

April 17, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

For professionals responsible for a productive, engaged, harmonious workplace, it’s crucial to know what will be disruptive to that environment. Especially when the culprit could likely be a leader in the company.

What do we need to know, and do, about leaders who are regularly behaving badly and harming everyone in their orbit?

Let's get to know these folks, and what may be behind that behavior...

“Abrasive leaders become winners…”

First off, we know that abrasive leaders aren’t lacking in ability. Often it's their technical competence that led to their rise to management. It's this competence that often has management, fellow leaders, and stakeholders choosing to ignore the behavior—even as it continues to poison the workplace.

February 28, 2023

Bad Behavior at Work: You know you should do something

February 28, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

“You know you should do something about Chris, but you’re not sure what. You just received another complaint about his abrasive behavior. This isn’t the only complaint—they’ve been adding up. You haven’t done anything yet—you’ve been busy…You’ve been waiting to see if things would improve on their own. They haven’t.”(1)

If you’re wondering when to cross that line and do something, please consider this: Employees rarely report the suffering they experience from bosses or managers who bully them. Read this to learn why this is true. If it has gone so far that you're receiving more than one complaint, err on the side of believing that the effect of the behavior is more damaging than you think, to have brought these people forward to report it.

February 07, 2023

Call out unnecessary roughness in your workplace

February 07, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

At some point in your work life you may have witnessed an employee who had an overly aggressive management style that caused friction and conflict with everyone around them.

More often than not, this kind of behavior is swept under the rug, tolerated, or “forgiven” because the person is in a leadership position or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior.

Let’s throw a flag on this play and call it what it really is: Bullying — no matter who does it, no matter how it’s done. It’s unnecessary and unacceptable as a leadership style.

January 17, 2023

What is the thorniest issue that keeps your employees up at night?

January 17, 2023/ Mark Batson Baril

In the top 3 of any list ranking the most common workplace issues, you will see “interpersonal conflict” or “bullying and harassment”—not pay, not recognition, not opportunities for promotion...

“The accelerated pace of change in today’s workplace and in our overall society is one more factor impacting workplace mental health.” [Source: SHRM]

It’s no surprise that the most common workplace issues on almost every survey list are not about pay, promotion, or benefits. We see that interpersonal conflict, bullying and harassment, communication and relationship problems consistently top these lists.

November 08, 2022

What's Behind the "Bully Boss"?

November 08, 2022/ Mark Batson Baril

According to research from the Boss Whispering Institute and others, often the leader who exhibits abrasive behavior doesn’t intend to do harm to others. They don’t lie awake at night plotting ways to make their coworkers miserable. They often don’t even see that their behavior is having a negative impact on their coworkers’ emotions or morale -- ‘It’s nothing personal, it’s just business. We're getting a job done here.’

Underneath the surface of disrespectful, unacceptable behavior, these leaders are not unlike you and me. They feel stress, anxiety, and uncertainty about their future the same way most of us do. Moreover, as leaders they have a spotlight bearing down on them -- when things go wrong it’s the leader who takes responsibility. They don’t want to be seen as incompetent, they may feel threatened and fear failure.

July 13, 2022

Do We Need a Mediator? Here’s How to Tell

July 13, 2022/ Mark Batson Baril

When do you know you need mediation in your workplace?

The first thing to know is what mediation is (and isn’t) so that you’re equipped to recognize the need if and when conflict arises.

The second thing to know is that when your company has a built-in system to proactively manage conflict, then you will never have to face the question of needing mediation. But I’m getting ahead of myself, because here’s the reality: Few organizations have such a system, and my team is most often called in to provide mediation services when the client workplace situation has reached the crisis point – and spiraling out of control fast.

June 07, 2022

The Game-Changing Tool for Productive (and Pleasant) Work Conversations

June 07, 2022/ Mark Batson Baril

What I know from my work as conflict advisor/mediator is that tough conversations are inevitable - in our work lives, community lives, and personal lives. And who in their right mind wants to have a difficult conversation?

Right - no one! So what we tend to do is avoid it, put if off for a day, a week, even a year. But does the issue go away? No, in fact, it festers and grows until it becomes something much more destructive and even dangerous. (That’s too often when we’re brought in to mediate a dispute or conflict that’s gotten out of control over months or even years.)

As an expert in conflict, I’m here to tell you conflict cannot be swept under the rug!

August 26, 2021

Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

August 26, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

I’ve written plenty on how abrasive leadership isn’t conducive to a healthy, conflict-competent workplace environment. But what about the abrasive leader? How does this behavior affect them?

The defining traits that will damage an abrasive leader’s career will also damage their personal lives. An abrasive leader isn’t only likely to find themselves on the ropes professionally, they’re going to face real world consequences in every area of their life.

Common co-worker complaints of repeated behaviors are: public humiliation, unpredictable or demeaning behavior, yelling or lack of emotional control, inappropriate hostile or sexual comments or behaviors, maligning another’s character or reputation Do you think someone who exhibits these characteristics professionally suddenly flips a switch on their way out of the office to transform into a considerate, encouraging, or stable individual in their personal life?

July 23, 2021

Abrasive Behavior at Work: What is Your Role?

July 23, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

If you are a CEO, manager, HR professional, or coach/ombuds/mediator who is working on-site, please read on….

According to the Society of Resource Management (SHRM), 87% of employees say that workplace incivility has negatively affected their performance. So, at this moment you can safely assume that one or more employees in your organization might be experiencing abrasive behavior — not only negatively affecting their performance, but also their morale, and emotional and physical health.

It is your role to intervene. Employers have a responsibility to manage both performance and conduct, assuring the physical and psychological safety of their workforce.

And, simply put, it’s the right thing to do for your organization and your people.

June 08, 2021

Abrasive Leaders at Work: You’re Not Helpless ...They’re Not Hopeless

June 08, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

If you have anything to do with human beings in your workplace (virtual or otherwise), please read on!

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, where their words and actions create interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors.

This behavior tends to be avoided, tolerated, or “forgiven” because that person is in a leadership position. Or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior.

But here is the costly truth: When this behavior is persistent (chronic) it plagues the workplace causing serious harm to morale and productivity. Abrasive behaviors cause emotional distress and disrupt organizational functioning. I have seen this behavior bring a team, and even an organization, to its knees.

May 20, 2021

The Silent Ones in Your Workforce (And how to start listening to them)

May 20, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

Excerpted from Forbes Coaches Council article by Mark Batson Baril, Feb. 16, 2021

A little over three percent of an organization’s population used the Office of the Ombuds as a resource to resolve a variety of conflict issues, according to a recent internal study of 164 ombuds offices in the U.S. and Canada.

What are the implications of this finding to your organization?

Without an ombuds or similar structure in place to address conflict, 3.2% of most organizations’ employees believe they have nowhere to turn to resolve issues they have within their workplace. If you have 100 people in your organization, it’s likely that three of them are dealing with something right now at work that is troubling them, and that could potentially create a negative ripple effect throughout the organization.

Who Are The Silent Ones?

January 19, 2021

What a Manager Can and Should Do to Stop Bullying Behavior at Work

January 19, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

“All managers should understand the importance of differentiating performance from conduct, and know how to manage both.” ~ Dr. Laura Crawshaw, An EAP Approach to End Workplace Bullying

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, plaguing the workplace with interpersonal friction that harms morale and productivity. In fact, 19% of us may find ourselves in a bullying situation at work, according to a Workplace Bullying Institute survey.

Especially in the high-tension, uncertain environment we’re experiencing lately, you might be having this experience right now. As a conflict advisor and team coach, I’ve worked with abrasive leaders more times than I’d like to admit. Sometimes I can see a conflict situation brewing that is more than a personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that needs addressing before it poisons the entire team or organization.

October 22, 2020

Four Myths That Perpetuate Abrasive Behavior At Work

October 22, 2020/ Mark Batson Baril

October 13, 2020

When to Get Help for Workplace Disputes or Conflict

October 13, 2020/ Mark Batson Baril

An organization, no matter what size, can find itself facing a conflict so entrenched, so ugly, that a key person is paralyzing the productivity of an entire group, a department is chronically unable to come up with a new idea, or leadership is in such disarray that partners aren’t speaking to each other and some are ready to walk.

Negative conflicts like these can literally bring a company to its knees, particular in the midst of internal or external crises. Mediation is the tool that can help people come to the table, get clear on the issues, sort out their conflicts, and put the company back on track.