What a Manager Can and Should Do to Stop Bullying Behavior at Work
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“All managers should understand the importance of differentiating performance from conduct, and know how to manage both.” ~ Dr. Laura Crawshaw, An EAP Approach to End Workplace Bullying
We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, plaguing the workplace with interpersonal friction that harms morale and productivity. In fact, 19% of us may find ourselves in a bullying situation at work, according to a Workplace Bullying Institute survey.
Especially in the high-tension, uncertain environment we’re experiencing lately, you might be having this experience right now. As a conflict advisor and team coach, I’ve worked with abrasive leaders more times than I’d like to admit. Sometimes I can see a conflict situation brewing that is more than a personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that needs addressing before it poisons the entire team or organization.
The Cambridge University Human Resources Department defines behavior as being unacceptable if:
It is unwanted by the recipient.
It has the purpose or effect of violating the recipient’s dignity and/or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment, and
Having regard to all the circumstances, including the recipient’s perception, it was reasonable for the behaviour to have that effect.
Why this is important for you to know
What if you’re in a position of responsibility for the person who’s showing that kind of conduct?
What if your company doesn’t have clearly defined policies in this area or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)?
What if your fellow managers recommend you just “let sleeping dogs lie” and transfer the target out of the abuser’s area?
The answer to all three of these questions is that no response is a response, and a poor one which enables the behavior to continue causing harm to the company. In a position of responsibility over the abuser, you share the company’s responsibility to manage both performance and conduct to assure the physical and psychological safety of everyone in your workforce. Whether or not your company has clear policies or an EAP, behavior that is potentially destructive to others requires attention. And research shows that even if the target and abuser are separated, the behavior continues in most cases — so the quick fix doesn’t work.
A common result of no response in all these scenarios is an important: Management is seen as weak, unreliable, and tacitly condoning the abuser’s behavior. “Letting sleeping dogs lie” or sweeping the problem under the rug is NOT sound (or moral) management policy. In my work I have seen how unaddressed abrasive behavior can cause serious emotional harm to the target(s), debilitate team productivity — and even break an organization.
Which is why I chose to learn the science and practice of coaching abrasive leaders, adding Boss Whisperer coaching to my conflict resolver toolbox, and am sharing this info with you here.
What’s the problem and how to address it
The first thing to know is this: You’re not helpless...They’re not hopeless. What Dr. Crawshaw and other researchers have found is that in most cases, abrasive behavior is learned — and can be UNlearned. The person in question generally doesn’t realize they’re being abrasive in a harmful way; they believe their “style” is what’s needed for the job: “Sometimes you have to kick butt to get things done.” They may be individuals who don’t have the interpersonal skills or capacity to motivate their people so they “flog the work forward.” They often don’t see why people are upset or that their behavior could cause dangerous disruption to the organization.
Intervention involves setting limits and consequences for continued abrasive behavior, while at the same time offering help in the form of specialized coaching to give the abrasive leader an opportunity to improve their management style. A specially-trained coach also knows how to work with others in management positions on strategies to overcome resistance and support the employees who have been impacted by the abrasive behavior.
Don’t take it on alone! Professional intervention and specialized coaching are effective solutions to the situation of an abrasive leader. It takes difficult conversations, courage, tough love, and time. But the results are worth it for everyone involved, including the health of the company itself.
Take the crucial first step
How do you know that someone’s behavior — or the report of someone’s behavior — is something that needs your attention? The answer is diagnosis. For our own analysis, we built a unique tool called the Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™, designed to identify the nature and scope of abrasive conduct. A short questionnaire provides an instant report with results and next-step recommendations. We offer it now online, confidential (no personal info captured), and free, in order to empower you to diagnose the situation yourself and get a 360 view of what’s going on. If you receive a complaint from an employee or team members, just have them take this questionnaire to give you the data you need to assess the situation.
Addressing the very real problems of workplace bullying starts with awareness and reporting by those affected by these behaviors, whether it’s HR, management, or the employee / coworker. It takes the manager who sees the situation and will champion the target of the behavior with conviction and courage. And it takes an organizational culture and leadership open enough to hear the distress signals and commit to providing a safe workplace which protects their employees from psychological harm.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.