Call out unnecessary roughness in your workplace
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At some point in your work life you may have witnessed an employee who had an overly aggressive management style that caused friction and conflict with everyone around them.
More often than not, this kind of behavior is swept under the rug, tolerated, or “forgiven” because the person is in a leadership position or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior.
Let’s throw a flag on this play and call it what it really is: Bullying — no matter who does it, no matter how it’s done. It’s unnecessary and unacceptable as a leadership style.
The penalty an organization pays for ignoring bullying behavior is serious. In my work coaching abrasive leaders, I’ve seen the destruction that happens when the situation hasn’t been addressed -– not only to the poor souls on the receiving end but also to the culture and morale of the company as a whole. The costs can be measured in dollars (higher absenteeism and attrition, lower work quality and productivity, poor customer service and brand reputation), and also in the immeasurable harm to the people within the abrasive leader’s sphere.
What kind of co-worker complaints are common?
From respondents to Resologics’ Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™ survey tool designed for managers, HR pros and leaders to determine if a person is exhibiting chronic abrasive behavior, these are among the most common complaints reported:
Public humiliation
Yelling, swearing, name-calling
Inappropriate sexual comments or behaviors
Unpredictable, mercurial moods (Jekyll and Hyde)
Lack of emotional control - throwing or hitting objects
In 2018, the “unnecessary roughness” violation was added to the NFL (National Football League) rulebook in an effort to improve player safety: “It is a foul if a player initiates unnecessary contact against a player who is in a defenseless position.” There’s a penalty for the violation, and a player can be disqualified if the action is judged to be flagrant.
Have you ever seen (or been) a coworker in a defenseless position against a bully boss?
The solution and a tool
The good news is this: Most of these individuals are generally unaware, or tend to minimize the impact, of their behavior. Boss Whispering Institute’s Laura Crawshaw, author of Taming the Abrasive Manager, says: "One of the characteristic aspects of abrasive leaders is they do not perceive themselves to be abrasive. They tend to be blind to their own behavior, or think that it is necessary, that the only way to deal with employees is to be aggressive with them."
I use the Boss Whispering® coaching method to work with abrasive leaders and executives to help them gain insight into the impact of their behavior and to develop non-destructive management strategies. It’s a powerful — and highly confidential — process that often produces demonstrable results within a few coaching sessions.
What’s so rewarding to me is that many of my clients find the process enjoyable and empowering, gaining new insights into themselves and new skills that help them develop the meaningful relationships they really want to have, and hadn’t known how.
Are you having this experience right now — with an employee or boss?
Then it’s crucial to know three things:
1) Left unaddressed, these behaviors will disrupt the organization in measurable ways.
2) You need to intervene; you have a responsibility to assure the physical and psychological safety of your workforce.
3) These behaviors are learned and can be UNlearned in most cases.
If you believe there is someone in your organization with an abrasive leadership style (or if you think YOU might be exhibiting unacceptable conduct), I invite you to take our free Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™ (it’s a confidential survey, no personal information is collected, and takes just 5-10 minutes) to determine if it’s a situation that needs your attention. It could shift the entire organizational culture — and personal lives — for the better.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.