Bad Behavior at Work: You know you should do something
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“You know you should do something about Chris, but you’re not sure what. You just received another complaint about his abrasive behavior. This isn’t the only complaint—they’ve been adding up. You haven’t done anything yet—you’ve been busy…You’ve been waiting to see if things would improve on their own. They haven’t.”(1)
If you’re wondering when to cross that line and do something, please consider this: Employees rarely report the suffering they experience from bosses or managers who bully them. Read this to learn why this is true. If it has gone so far that you're receiving more than one complaint, err on the side of believing that the effect of the behavior is more damaging than you think, to have brought these people forward to report it.
Consider these real-life responses to help you gauge what others are experiencing with their employees who are being victimized by abrasive behavior:
He can be so intimidating. Everyone’s afraid of getting hammered in front of the group—they all clam up.
She’s a total micromanager. She treats us like kids instead of adults. I’ve got a belittling babysitter for a boss.
He will rub your nose in the mistake, and then after you think it’s over, he will do it again. He raises his voice, one tone below yelling, highly intense, red, angry face, stepping in, leaning in. I felt physically threatened. I felt unsafe.
You never know where you stand with her; she can be your best friend one minute and then threaten to fire you the next. It’s terrifying.
He doesn’t treat women with respect—he doesn’t take their opinions seriously. He’s said women don’t belong in this industry. He told a male coworker, “At least you’re the right gender.”
I’ve heard it said in the humanitarian world that “a bad boss is worse than war.” Certainly, it was easier to cope with the explosions going on around us in a war zone than the toxic environment inside this office.
When you come to work, you leave your self-respect at the door and hope to pick it up on your way out.
Anti-bullying laws and workplace civility policies won’t stop it. Management trainings won’t stop it. Bystanders won’t stop it. Human Resources staff don’t have the power themselves to stop it.
Only those who manage abrasive leaders have the authority to intervene and stop this suffering. Is that you?
Here are three vital tips to help you decide:
1. In most cases the person behaving badly is blind to the negative impact of their threatening presence and intimidating style on others. Laura Crawshaw: “One burly construction manager breezily opened our feedback session with: ‘Go ahead. I’m sure I’ve heard it all before.’ As we read through the long list of negative perceptions voiced by coworkers (purged by identifying information, of course), he suddenly clutched at his heart: ‘This is the worst day of my professional life! This is not who I am! It kills me that people think I want to harm them. I don’t mean to hurt people at all—I’m just trying to get the job done!’”
The good news is that their abrasive behavior is learned and can be UNlearned, through specialized personal coaching. You are likely doing this person a tremendous favor by stepping up and committing to help.
2. If you’re hearing anything like the responses above, you could have an abrasive leader in your organization who’s causing harm to others. Here is a unique tool developed by Resologics that you can access easily to identify the nature and scope of unacceptable behavior. It’s called the Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™ and is offered online, confidential (no contact info captured) and free, in order to encourage reporting by anyone—HR, management, the employee/coworker who is targeted or witnesses the abuse, and even leaders themselves who suspect they are exhibiting bad behavior. An instant report is generated from the results.
3. If you determine that you do indeed have an issue that needs your attention, I encourage you to read Laura Crawshaw’s excellent book—you’ll find the link to get it below. Or, talk it out with someone who can help you move forward. As a certified coach who has helped many abrasive leaders turn around their bad behavior, I stand ready to help; this link will direct you to a place to schedule a no-obligation conversation with me—I’d like to talk it out with you, answer questions, and help set you in the right direction.
It can be lonely out there trying to do the right thing. It takes spine and courage to face the abrasive leader, but I’ve seen again and again the incredible positive results that intervention can bring for the individual and the whole workplace environment.
Gratefully referencing Dr. Laura Crawshaw’s new book, Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.