Why Abrasive Leaders Become "Winners Who Become Losers"
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It’s natural to make assumptions about the bosses and leaders who make our lives miserable at work—even including terms like “evil,” “a monster” or “insane.”
For professionals who are in the business of working toward a harmonious, engaged, productive, innovative workforce, it’s instructive if not crucial to unpack the package that is called the “abrasive leader.”
“Abrasive leaders become winners…”
First off, we know that abrasive leaders aren’t lacking in ability. In fact, it’s often their technical competence that led to their rise to management. Their skills in their field are rarely brought into question and in many cases, it’s this competence that has management, leadership, and stakeholders choosing to ignore the behavior—even as it continues to poison the organization.
We also know that great leadership is about emotional intelligence. Dr. Laura Crawshaw, founder of the abrasive leader concept, notes in her interview in Winners Who Become Losers, that competent leaders “successfully maneuver themselves and their teams through the inevitable interpersonal rough patches present in any workplace, keeping emotional distress, and the resulting distraction, to a minimum.”
Conversely, abrasive leaders damage working relationships through aggressive or intimidating behavior, and stifle communication through fear of an emotional outburst or worse.
What’s at the core of this behavior? Why do abrasive leaders act in a way that’s so obviously detrimental?
“... who become losers”
Dr. Crawshaw answers: fear. “Through the years, I learned that most abrasive leaders are neither evil nor insane; they are fearful of perceived threats to their competence that could jeopardize their workplace survival… The vast majority of abrasive leaders are afraid—afraid of being perceived as incompetent. They, like all of us, want to be perceived as competent, but if anything threatens that perception, they experience intense unconscious anxiety and attack the perceived threat.”
She recalls a past client of hers, a CEO, who once complained their senior management team sat silently when pressed for ideas or reactions. When asked why they thought the team didn’t respond, they answered: “I don’t know—they’re either lazy or stupid.”
To leaders like this one, it’s inconceivable the reality could be that no one voiced their ideas for fear of being attacked by this person. In this case, it was confirmed through coworker interviews. The CEO instilled fear into everyone around, couldn’t see the oppressive nature of their workplace attitude, and was blind to its effects on the team’s communication.
Abrasive leaders become losers in these ways (and many more) because their interpersonal incompetence leads to:
An unnerved team that creates more errors, not more productivity.
Coworkers who work around them, not with them.
Relationships that are transactional and brief, instead of deep and lasting.
Negative outcomes in the organization like low morale, higher absenteeism, attrition, and harassment suits.
A bad reputation that will eventually have them on the ropes professionally, fired, passed over, or worse.
A disturbing sense that they’re ineffective with others, no one likes them, they can’t get things done, etc. so ultimately they’re not meeting their own goals and dreams.
In almost every case, it doesn’t have to be this way. You're not helpless, and contrary to common belief, abrasive leaders are not hopeless.
If an individual you know exhibits abrasive leadership qualities, I encourage you to take our Abrasive Leader Diagnostic to help diagnose them, so you have the foundation to address the issue and help them become true winners.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.