Ted Lasso's tips on handling tough conversations
/
In the heat of a tough conversation (or person) that hooks us emotionally, those emotions can get the better of us and our tender egos can feel slapped around.
Tough conversations are inevitable in the workplace and particularly sticky when they involve a superior or, even stickier, a boss who’s chronically difficult.
These are the very moments when you want to keep your emotions and ego in check if you have any hope of achieving the outcomes you’re looking for in the conversation.
So, how do you do that? We look to America's favorite lovable leader, Ted Lasso, for advice…
“Be curious, not judgmental.” [Walt Whitman]
This is the personal credo of the incredibly likable character Jason Sudeikis created for the comedy hit “Ted Lasso.”
His character and leadership are the epitome of the expression “you get more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
As Jason says, “Ted is egoless…He knows that when someone’s mad at him or dislikes him, most of the time you’ve got to ‘brush the dirt off your shoulder.’” By contrast, you see other characters in the show whose run-amok egos and emotions get them into trouble and they definitely do not achieve the results they want.
The tip: Keep your eye on the prize and your ego in your pocket. Don’t let that “difficult” person get to you. Instead, ask curious questions to try to get a better understanding of their position. Then state your business case, backing up your position with numbers and data. You have a greater chance of getting to the outcome you desire with your integrity (and hopefully your relationship) intact.
Going deeper. If you want a reminder of Ted Lasso’s great example of this concept from Season 1, Episode 8, check it out here.
“Ask the happiest animal in the world.”
(If you plan to start watching “Ted Lasso” consider this a spoiler alert!) When things get tough and the losses mount up for his (European) football team, Coach Ted asks them, “Who’s the happiest animal in the world?” His answer: the goldfish because of its ten-second memory. Moral: Let things go and move on.
The Tip: Be a goldfish. No question, it can be a challenge to allow someone else to think they’ve bested us in an argument, and even more frustrating to walk away with nothing accomplished.
Choose to turn your attention to the things that matter – to you, to your team, to your common goals and mission. Stand up for what’s important, and move on from those that are not…with a memory like a goldfish.
Going deeper. It’s natural that you might be saying, this is all well and good, but what if the other person’s behavior pattern is inappropriate, abrasive, aggressive, disrespectful – impossible to be reasonable with?
The answer’s easy: It is NEVER okay to show bullying behavior to another person in the workplace, and it is the responsibility of the leadership in your organization to ensure the physical and psychological safety of their workforce.
If you’re wondering if you’re in a situation with an abrasive coworker or boss, take our free and confidential Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™ to determine if this is something that needs your attention. Read this if you want to learn more about what abrasive behavior is.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.