Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior
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The Cambridge University Human Resources Department defines behavior as being unacceptable if:
It is unwanted by the recipient.
It has the purpose or effect of violating the recipient’s dignity and/or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment.
Unacceptable behavior is serious business.
As a conflict advisor and coach, I’ve worked with countless leaders who didn’t know they were exhibiting unacceptable behavior. I’m talking about more than a one-time personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that chips away at person’s morale and, literally, ability to do their job. It’s behavior that needs addressing before it permeates an entire organization.
Here’s a thought experiment for you. Consider each situation below, and answer the question: What would you do?
What if you oversee the person who’s showing unacceptable conduct?
What if your company doesn’t have clearly defined policies in this area, or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)?
What if your fellow managers recommend not to rock the boat, and just transfer the abused out of the abuser’s area?
Here are the answers:
In a position of responsibility over the abuser, you share the company’s responsibility to manage both performance and conduct to assure the physical and psychological safety of everyone in your workforce.
Whether or not your company has clear policies or an EAP, behavior that is potentially destructive to others requires attention.
Separating the abuser and the abused is no more effective than removing the bucket from under the leak—the bucket isn’t the source of the problem.
How did you do? If your answers to any of the above questions were “nothing,” I have both bad and fantastic news.
The bad news is that you may, in fact, be one of the abrasive leaders I’ve written so much about. The fantastic news is that you’re exactly where you need to be to make some changes for the better! As they say, there’s no better place to be injured than a hospital. Discovering you’re an abrasive boss is discovering a problem and a solution all at once. And solving this problem could easily change your entire career.
This is why: Most of the clients I coach are aware that something’s “off,” where they see other bosses/managers with great, highly-productive relationships with their teams but they aren’t having the same experience. Their own people continually avoid contact, don’t contribute or engage, and some even request to leave the department or the company altogether.
These are just some of the warning signs I see, and the sad result is that, eventually, the abrasive leader drives people away which makes it impossible for them to meet their goals and be successful. The connection is as simple as that…
My little thought experiment might not have you identifying as an abrasive leader, but now you might know someone who is.
Now what?
How do you know that someone’s behavior — or the report of someone’s behavior — is something that needs your attention? For our own analysis, we built a unique tool called the Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™, designed to identify the nature and scope of abrasive conduct. A short, anonymous questionnaire provides an instant report with results and next-step recommendations.
We offer it now online, confidential (no personal info captured), and free, in order to empower you to diagnose the situation yourself and get a 360 view of what’s going on. If you receive a complaint from an employee or team members, just have them take this questionnaire to give you the data you need to assess the situation.
Addressing the very real problems of workplace bullying starts with awareness and reporting by those affected by these behaviors, whether it’s HR, management, or the employee / coworker. It takes the manager or colleague who will champion the target of the behavior with conviction and courage—and get help for the abrasive leader.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.