Why you may be blind to bad behavior at work and the harm it is causing
/
image thanks to ventdusud
As leaders, we hold the responsibility of ensuring our workplaces are safe, healthy environments for our workers. We want our employees to be happy and productive. Does any management team sit around the boardroom table and pull up the powerpoint, “How can we perpetuate workplace bullying?”
Of course not! Except…that’s exactly what we’re doing when we accept the myths about leadership that blind us to the damage that abrasive behavior is doing to our workers and our company. It’s more comfortable to accept these myths as explanations than it is to initiate the difficult conversations that must be had.
When leaders wear those blinders, the result is no secret: Bullying continues, morale plummets, productivity falls, turnover increases, legal resolution or reparations ensue, and in general everyone is worse off than if just one leader had stepped up and said, “No further.”
While most of us would love to be that heroic leader who stands up for others, vanquishing wrongdoing and making the world a better place, sometimes we just don’t recognize these myths as myths. We hear them so often that they become unquestioned. Through no fault of our own, we don’t realize that these explanations are causing harm.
And, unknowingly, we then become part of the problem.
I’m going to set the record straight here by calling out four of these myths for what they are. See if you recognize any of these as situations that have happened—or could happen—in your workplace.
Myth 1: “Yes, their behavior is toxic, but this person is too valuable to the organization.”
Abrasive behavior is often viewed through the “cost of business,” lens, when management believes the person holds a particular expertise, or is seen as critical to operations. While these aspects may be true, tolerating or even ignoring the disruptive behavior can negatively affect not only the workers around them, but actually establish a culture of toxicity where such behavior is accepted and actually rewarded.
Letting this behavior be perpetuated exacts a fiscal cost to the organization. More importantly is the human cost to the individual or group that has been insulted, humiliated, and devalued—day after day, month after month.
Where is the value in accepting this behavior? Is this the kind of leader you want to support? Is this the culture you want to establish?
Ignoring toxic behavior, even for the false notion that this is somehow for the good of the company, is the opposite of heroism.
Myth 2: “That’s just their management style.”
Let’s nip this one in the bud: There is no management style that makes unacceptable conduct acceptable.
The most common path upwards in a company is aptitude and excellence in performing the work in their field. Interpersonal skills or leadership qualities are regarded as secondary in many promotions, if factored in at all.
What results is a large swath of people in leadership positions who have never gotten leadership training. They may not have the skills or capacity to work well with others, or they may not know how to get a job done without being aggressive, demeaning, over-controlling, etc.
What we know from abrasive-leader coaching is that these people are acting and reacting, not so much from a chosen “style” as it is from a complete lack of awareness that their behavior is negative, counterproductive, and causing harm to their coworkers.
Whatever the reason or intent, the bottom line is that a good leader guides, respects, and lifts their people, not tears them down. The good news is that, in most cases, professional coaching can help that leader successfully improve that behavior.
Myth 3: “There was no harm done. What’s the problem?”
“There was no harm done” is simply dismissing or diminishing the person who has reported the situation. Whether it’s the target themselves, a coworker, or a manager, “harm done” is subjective — it’s not a company policy, nor anyone else’s, to decide.
Difficult to measure but no less harmful are the responses we hear in our conflict coaching work: higher tension levels in the department or team, a decrease in morale and the ability to concentrate, employees reporting that they dread coming to work every morning or that they are suffering from anxiety or chronic headaches—or that they’re so distraught they’ve chosen to quit.
Make no mistake, harm has been done. These complaints and reports require at least a thorough investigation by leadership.
Myth 4: “Let’s not say anything or confront the behavior; it will solve itself eventually.”
“Once is chance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is a pattern.” If we’re dispelling myths, we must be clear with calling things as we see them. Workplace behavioral problems rarely solve themselves.
Unaddressed, the conflict caused by unacceptable conduct festers and expands, leaving damage to an organization (and individuals) in its wake.
Silence is perceived as compliance or commiseration and as weakness by employees, which can erode the moral culture of an organization. “If they are allowed to get away with this behavior, what does that say about this company? What does this say about me as part of this company?”
Abrasive behavior is not just confined to one target and if that target should leave, there will likely be another. So the consistent, chronic behavior will just keep going on unless it’s confronted and managed.
Awareness of the real and present danger of abrasive behavior to the health of your most precious asset — your people — is a great first step. It takes an organizational culture that supports management to respond to an employee’s or leader’s distress signals and to address the issue right away. It sometimes takes a hero to step up, dispel the myths, and take action on behalf of their people and company.
If you’ve taken off your blinders and see that unacceptable behavior is in fact happening in your organization, we have a tool that will support you: Take our FREE and confidential (no personal info is required) Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™ to determine if you’re correct.
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.