Your Organizational Ombuds: When Abrasive Behavior Enters Your Organization
/[Excerpted from International Ombudsman Association (IOA) article by Mark Batson Baril, Dec. 21, 2020. Read the full article here: “What to Do When Abrasive Behavior Enters Your Organization,”]
In my work as an Ombudsman, Mediator and Conflict Resolver, I have encountered thirteen situations to date that have involved a leader with an abrasive leadership style. It’s been hard for me to admit, but it took eight of those cases over several years before I really understood what was going on — and what to do about it.
In most of those cases the teams and organizations worked toward agreements that more or less stuck and the team’s performance improved. Yet, remaining underneath those changes was the abrasive behavior of the leader/individual that had not been addressed in a substantial way.
If abrasive conduct exists in the organization and leadership is not addressing it, then any effort to solve the conflicts this individual has caused is only a patch to the problem and does not deal with the underlying system at play. Eventually the negative outcomes from the abrasive behavior will negate any team improvements and come back to damage the workplace and, importantly, the people involved.
What does this behavior look like? Abrasive conduct can range from mildly irritating to severely disruptive (otherwise known as workplace bullying). The effect on professional relationships and on the entire organization can be devastating, resulting in employee flight, reduced productivity, partner separations, and even litigation.
Three major roadblocks to system change
The harmful behavior is coming from the most treasured talent
Reporting and working through this situation while maintaining confidentiality
Supporting change in the abrasive behavior
Roadblock 1: What if the harmful behavior is coming from your most treasured talent?
Of course, everyone is valuable in the workplace. Yet when the abrasive behavior comes from a leader with broad influence and power, it can be a very challenging situation — the elephant in the room that nobody wants (or dares) to get near. The behavior is often tolerated because the person’s work is valuable — even seen as indispensable. So then, is “abrasive” behavior something we’re supposed to accept, work around, or forgive in the name of their expert contribution?
For one whose Ombuds work has involved abrasive leader situations, my answer is an emphatic NO, we are not supposed to accept abrasive behavior as any part of our process, nor is the organization. We find that ultimately, abrasive behavior in the workplace does more harm than good. One study showed these results1 reported by employees who had experienced the effects of an abrasive leader:
48% intentionally decreased their work effort
63% lost work time avoiding the offender
66% said their performance declined
78% said their commitment to the organization declined
12% left their job because of the experience
Roadblock 2: How do you report and work through this situation while maintaining confidentiality?
If you find, or suspect, a positive diagnosis of abrasive behavior in working with an organization, be prepared to help parties make choices about the next steps they can take. Clear thinking and a solid diagnosis give you the capacity to address behavioral issues successfully before they cause more harm or sabotage any conflict resolution process.
If you are hearing about behaviors or symptoms from HR, management or people at the same level of leadership as the individual in question, work with them to further diagnose what’s going on, and help them think through what the best steps are for intervention.
If you are hearing about the behaviors or symptoms from people who work for the abrasive individual, or people who know those people, there are multiple paths to pursue as Ombuds depending on your charter and individual style, :
Work with the visitor(s) to explore ways they can make their experiences known to those in power
Use regular trend reporting to highlight symptoms of abrasive behavior you are aware of to the individual in question and/or management
If the behaviors you are hearing about cross the organization’s physical or psychological “harm” line, approach HR or management in a way that maintains confidentiality of the people harmed while outlining the problem
in rare circumstances, approaching the abrasive leader directly to initiate change can result in positive outcomes.
Roadblock 3: In what ways can you support change in abrasive behavior?
The good news: Abrasive behavior is learned — and can be unlearned
Dr. Laura Crawshaw’s (The Boss Whispering Institute) research has exploded the myth that abrasive leaders intentionally set out to harm others. Instead, she found the opposite — lacking the ability to read other’s emotions, the majority of abrasive leaders are blind to the wounds they inflict. Often they are coachable, able to unlearn and shift their behaviors for the better.
She tells the story of a surgeon she coached who defended his behavior by “arguing that he needed to shout, throw surgical instruments, and kick doors to get his assistants to perform adequately.” What was actually the case is that the surgeon’s team was so unnerved by his angry, abusive behavior that they made more errors, not less.
Regardless of “style” or personality, the point is that if an individual’s conduct causes emotional distress — wounds, pain — in their coworkers, it is an issue that must be addressed.
Changing abrasive behavior is possible but it takes backbone and focused effort. It may take specialized expertise beyond our coaching tools and role in order to present the negative perceptions to the leader in question, explore what’s behind those perceptions and their behaviors, and find ways to change their management style so the perceptions go away for good.
Start with Awareness: Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™
Addressing the elephant in the room starts with awareness or the problem — yet how do you determine if there is unacceptable conduct going on? For our own analysis, we built a unique tool called the Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™, designed to identify the nature and scope of abrasive conduct. A short questionnaire provides an instant report with results and next-step recommendations.
We offer it now online, confidential (no personal info captured), and free, in order to empower you to diagnose the situation yourself and get a 360 view of what’s going on. It has helped me on numerous projects to gain clarity on the interpersonal situation.
Many situations involving diagnosed abrasive behaviors are not worth the major effort of turning around the abrasive individual and termination will be the most prudent, cost-effective way to go. Legal departments and contract attorneys often make this recommendation at the first hint of complaints, harassment, or investigative processes that turn up potential litigation. You play an important role in option building around this potential outcome.
In those situations where the diagnosis should result in consequences for the individual, including termination, there are often underlying factors that could stall, or avoid altogether, that decision by those in power. For these situations there is a clear path and a proven methodology to shift abrasive behavior, retain the employee, and improve the dynamic in the team and organization. The four basic steps for management to start the change process are:
Diagnosis of behavior and a determination by the individual’s manager or HR that behavior change must happen — by a specific date.
Specific consequences laid out for a failure to make those changes — by a specific date.
Specialized coaching (Boss Whispering) offered (not required) to the abrasive leader to support the change needed.
Declaration by the abrasive leader of their choice either to initiate the specialized coaching process or to make change in some other way.
Start the clock.
As Ombuds, our job is to support those in power in exploring options. We are trusted to use our best judgment and experience to deliver results in the form of a higher performing, inclusive, and safe organization. In rare situations we will encounter abrasive behavior by one or more team members, and in those cases we must be prepared to shift our process and share knowledge to accommodate the landscape and serve the organization in the best way possible.
(1) Pearson, C.M., & Porath, C.L. (2009). The Cost of Bad Behavior: How Incivility Is Damaging Your Business and What to do About It. New York: Portfolio/Penguin Group (USA).
When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.
What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.