Abrasive Leaders at Work: You’re Not Helpless ...They’re Not Hopeless

If you have anything to do with human beings in your workplace (virtual or otherwise), please read on!

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, where their words and actions create interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors.  

This behavior tends to be avoided, tolerated, or “forgiven” because that person is in a leadership position. Or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior. 

But here is the costly truth: When this behavior is persistent (chronic) it plagues the workplace causing serious harm to morale and productivity. Abrasive behaviors cause emotional distress and disrupt organizational functioning.  I have seen this behavior bring a team, and even an organization, to its knees. 

The costs of chronic disrespectful behavior can be measured in dollars, and also in the immeasurable harm to the people within the abrasive leader’s sphere. Here are just a few of the costs:

• Attrition of valued employees who request transfer out of the leaders’ department or leave the company altogether

• Reduced productivity, increased absenteeism, lower quality of work as a result of stress or avoiding the abrasive leader

• Potential loss of valued customers and stakeholders who become targets of the behaviors

• Eroded reputation of the organization

• Mistrust of management that would seen as condoning this bad behavior 

• Potential or actual harassment litigation

Here is another truth that is great news:  You are not helpless. The leader is not hopeless!  According to research from Boss Whispering Institute with over 400 abrasive executives, managers, supervisors and professionals (including medical, legal, and academic), these individuals are generally unaware, or tend to minimize the impact, of their behavior. Boss Whispering Institute’s Laura Crawshaw, PhD, researcher, coach, and author of Taming the Abrasive Manager, says: "One of the characteristic aspects of abrasive leaders is they do not perceive themselves to be abrasive. They tend to be blind to their own behavior, or think that it is necessary, that the only way to deal with employees is to be aggressive with them."

Are you having this experience right now — with an employee or boss? Then it’s crucial to know three things: 

1) Left unaddressed, these behaviors will disrupt the organization in measurably costly ways. 

2) You need to intervene; you have a responsibility to assure the physical and psychological safety of your workforce.

3)  These behaviors are learned and can be UNlearned in most cases.

As a conflict advisor and certified coach, I use the Boss Whispering® coaching method to work with abrasive leaders and executives, to help them gain insight into the impact of their behavior and to develop non-destructive management strategies. It’s a powerful — and highly confidential — process that often produces demonstrable results within a few coaching sessions.  

Many individuals find the process rewarding and enjoyable, gaining new insights into themselves and skills that help them develop the meaningful relationships they really want to  have and didn’t know how. 

If you believe there is someone in your organization with an abrasive leadership style (or if you think YOU might be exhibiting unacceptable conduct),I invite you to take our free Abrasive Leader Diagnostic™  (it’s a confidential survey and no personal information is collected) to determine if it’s a situation that needs your attention. It could shift the entire organizational culture — and personal lives — for the better. 

I stand ready to help and welcome a private conversation with you if you would like to learn more, or want to report a situation in your workplace. Schedule a time to talk with me here — no cost, no obligation, and confidential.