With 10 million open jobs in the USA, please tell me again - why are you still working for that abrasive boss?

If you are a Matrix fan, take it from Tank, who would say, “oh no… it’s a trap! get out!” I'm not here to convince people to leave their jobs without trying for a change, but if you have tried to get change to happen and the organization has not been able to move things to a better point, it is definitely time for you to move on! BTW – see the end of this post to make sure you have really exhausted your options for change.

Top 5 reasons why somebody should quit their job if they are working for an abrasive boss:

• Mental and emotional well-being: Working under an abrasive boss can take a toll on an individual's mental and emotional well-being, leading to stress, anxiety, and depression. Such a work environment can be toxic and affect an individual's quality of life.

• Lack of professional growth: A boss who is abrasive and unapproachable can limit an employee's opportunities for growth and advancement. It is difficult to receive constructive feedback and opportunities for growth from a boss who is unwilling to offer support or guidance, or one who may demean you in the process.

• Decreased job satisfaction: Working for an abrasive boss can be a demotivating and unsatisfying experience. It is difficult to find enjoyment in a job when the person in charge is consistently negative and demeaning.

• Impact on relationships: The negative effects of an abrasive boss can also extend to an individual's personal and professional relationships. The stress and frustration experienced at work can lead to strained relationships with coworkers and loved ones.

• Better job opportunities: Quitting a job with an abrasive boss opens up the possibility for better job opportunities, a healthier work environment, and faster career progression. An individual can take the time to find a job that aligns with their values and provides a positive and supportive work culture.

What are the main reasons people keep working for an abrasive leader?

• Financial stability: One reason people may continue to work for an abrasive leader is financial stability. If an individual is reliant on their job for their income, they may feel that they cannot afford to leave.

• Lack of job prospects: If the job market is competitive, an individual may feel that they cannot leave their current job because they may not be able to find another job.

• Fear of the unknown: Leaving a job with an abrasive boss can be scary, especially if the individual is unsure of what their next step will be. This fear of the unknown can keep people from quitting their job.

• Professional development opportunities: Despite having an abrasive boss, the job may still offer professional development opportunities that the individual values.

• Loyalty to the company or team: Some individuals may feel a sense of loyalty to the company or their team, and they may believe that quitting their job would be disloyal.

• Hope for improvement: An individual may also choose to remain in their job because they hope that their boss's behavior will improve. They may believe that they can make a difference or that the situation will change.

Why don't people complain about an abrasive boss?

• Fear of retaliation: One reason people may not complain about an abrasive boss is fear of retaliation. They may be concerned that complaining will negatively impact their job or career, such as being demoted or fired or that the abrasive behavior will get worse.

• Belief that nothing will change: Another reason people may not complain is that they believe that complaining will not result in any change. They may feel that their concerns will not be taken seriously or that their boss's behavior is unlikely to change.

• Sense of isolation: People may not complain about an abrasive boss because they feel that they are the only one experiencing this behavior, which can lead to feelings of isolation and a sense of hopelessness. 

• Lack of resources or support: Individuals may not know how to complain or who to speak to, or they may not have access to resources or support that can help them.

• Perception of weakness: Some people may believe that complaining about a boss is a sign of weakness, and they may worry that it will reflect poorly on their abilities.

• Cultural or organizational norms: Certain cultural or organizational norms may discourage complaining about a boss, and people may be afraid of violating these norms.

• What are the steps you can take if you work for an abrasive leader before you up and quit?

• Communicate openly and assertively with your boss: Share your concerns and try to reach a resolution through clear, respectful, and direct communication.

• Document the behavior: Keep records of instances of abrasive behavior for evidence if needed.

• Refer to company policy: Check your organization’s Employee Manual for policies regarding what to do in this type of situation.

• Seek confidential support: Turn to coworkers, a mentor, a trusted HR representative, the Ombuds, EAP, or a counselor for advice and emotional support.

• Set boundaries: Learn to say no and assert yourself in a professional manner.

• Consider a transfer: If the situation is untenable, explore opportunities within the company to transfer to a different team or department.

• Consider leaving: If all other options have been exhausted, quitting may be the best option for your well-being and career growth.

*Giving credit where credit is due! The builders of ChatGPT deserve kudos for many of the details of this post. I prompted the questions, while the AI did a lot of the rest with a little editing and field experienced modifications from me. The interesting part of that AI exercise for me is this: this information is out there, yet we still get trapped in these impossible situations. Please, call me anytime if you are in this maze and can’t figure out what to do next.