The following ideas for deescalating and preventing destructive conflict from slowing down or taking over your business are huge and much easier said than done. The ability to practice them in real time when you are in the midst of rising tensions comes with practice, patience, self-reflection and pure guts.

Each of us has some ability to work through difficult conversations, and, with practice, everyone can get better at it. Recognizing things like Conflict Curves, Creative Tension Zones, and Conflict Spirals mentioned in previous posts is also greatly beneficial as you practice your skills in making work a creative, productive place to be.

Start by looking ahead. Take preemptive steps to make sure that destructive conflict does not have a reason to arise. Check out the 11 common systemic issues that lead to disputes in startups and make sure you and your team are well-prepared to make good decisions right from the start and along the whole journey.
Be deeply curious about your own behavior. What’s going on for you when someone behaves in a certain way? Is everyone else reacting similarly, or is something going on for you that is different? Once you think you have figured it out, step back and look a little deeper to make sure you got it right. Be curious about what you need and why.
Be very curious about the other person’s behavior. What could be going on for them that made them act the way they did? Are you better off guessing what that reasoning is or finding out in some more certain way? What would that best way be? Is talking directly with the person still an option? How? Find a way to remain curious about the situation rather than simply reacting to the symptoms of it. Be curious about what the other person(s) needs and why?
Recognize when you are in a “Conflict Spiral” and get out. There are two ways you can stop the spiral; (1) change your own behavior so the spiral stops; (2) change your thinking about the other’s behavior so the spiral stops. Once you are out you can take steps to understand what’s really going on for everyone involved. If you stay in the spiral you risk burning bridges and destroying trust.
Don’t avoid the conflict. This doesn’t mean that you need to go after a cure at the first moment you spot conflict, but it does mean that you should gather information and not put off working through it as soon as possible. Just like leaky pipes, conflicts tend to get worse unless we work on them.
Build options to change the dynamic. Situations typically don’t change unless we do something different. Name the problem and come up with some options that will help change the dynamic. If you are getting the feeling that none of them will work, it may be time to ask for help.
Have learning conversations. If you forget everything else during a conflict situation, remember to be curious and to allow the other person(s) to be curious. Be aware of what makes you tick and take steps to try to understand what makes the other person(s) tick. Their (and your) underlying interests are the key to the puzzle here.
Seek advice from someone outside the direct situation. Choose a person who is not on either side of the conflict and ask them to help you build some options to change the dynamic. The more curious the outsider is, the better off you are going to be.

If even one part of this helps you make a relationship work, and, therefore, your team a little stronger, please pass it along to anyone else you think may have an interest.

Next time I’ll focus on some of the regular and predictable conflict-causing systems at play in high potential startup businesses.

Take good care out there!

Mark

About Resologics: Teams exist to produce results and Resologics exists to produce super-creative, high-performing teams that know how to work with and manage conflict well. Based in the Bay Area of CA, USA, Resologics provides integrated and proactive training, Ombudsman services, team development, and dispute resolution services that enable fast paced, uninterrupted, and fun growth in startups. More information can be found at www.resologics.com Contact @ 510.314.8314 / info@resologics.com

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Four Myths That Perpetuate Abrasive Behavior At Work

When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.

What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.

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A healthy business team is one with strong relationships and vibrant engagement. It’s a beautiful place to be, where people feel heard and creative ideas bump against each other in an open, constructive way. We call it the Creative Tension Zone and it’s the dream (or should be) of any organization with an aim toward consistent growth.

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The Difference Between HR and Organizational Ombuds Functions

On average an ombuds will see 3-5% of an organization’s members in the course of a year. Our work as organizational ombuds has increased steadily over the last couple of years, where we’re initially called in because someone in leadership is being dogged by a “small” conflict that won’t go away but keeps festering and growing until they can’t sweep it under the rug any longer. (From there, we typically enter a contractual arrangement with clients where we serve as their ongoing go-to ombuds, mediator, and conflict adviser.)

10 Ways an Ombudsman Can Increase Your Workplace Productivity

He could have been sitting in the corner of the conference room where I was convening as Organizational Ombuds for a team that was stuck - there was (emotional) clutter, plenty of discord, and a really difficult situation. Tension was high, people were venting. At any moment (my experience told me) someone could explode with frustration. It was like a freight train approaching the room, about to crash!

Creative Tension in the Workplace: Who needs it? You do!

Creative Tension Zone is where huge ideas emerge, innovation thrives, and empires are built! The most successful workplace teams know how to manage constructive conflict to encourage creative tension. What every leader needs to know about leveraging the power of conflict in a team.

Workplace Conflict: How to Deal with Hot Buttons

Have you ever said: “That person just presses my buttons”? We call these 'conflict hooks', because your reaction to the button-pusher has the potential to feed conflict. Understanding what conflict hooks are can help you and your team make better response choices.

9 Early Warning Signs of Workplace Conflict

Conflict doesn't just appear out of nowhere. There are always signs warning that a conflict is developing. Managers who know what these signs are can be more effective leaders by confronting the problem before it rages out of hand. By resolving conflict in the early stages, the company will run much more smoothly and the overall productivity level will be increased considerably. What are these subtle signs of conflict to look for?...

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Important Topics on Harnessing the Power of Conflict

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Business Culture Resilience for Founders – Work with Conflict

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Important Topics on Harnessing the Power of Conflict

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