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Important Topics on Harnessing the Power of Conflict

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Four Myths That Perpetuate Abrasive Behavior At Work

When we join a company, partnership or team, our expectation is that everyone involved will exhibit professional behavior toward us and each other. Instead, it’s highly possible that we may become one of the more than 60 million adults in the United States who are affected in some way by bullying behavior at work.

What kind of behaviors are we talking about? Our definition is any interpersonal behavior that causes emotional distress in others sufficient enough to impede their productivity or disrupt organizational functioning. It isn’t just a personality conflict — it’s a chronic pattern of disrespectful behavior.

When your business team starts spiraling down

A healthy business team is one with strong relationships and vibrant engagement. It’s a beautiful place to be, where people feel heard and creative ideas bump against each other in an open, constructive way. We call it the Creative Tension Zone and it’s the dream (or should be) of any organization with an aim toward consistent growth.

Teams fall out of this place for various reasons, and the spiral downward can devolve into destructive conflict. It is critical to know where you and your team are on the Conflict Curve in order to make good decisions in “real time” so you can recognize what’s happening and pull your team back from the Conflict Spiral abyss.

The Difference Between HR and Organizational Ombuds Functions

On average an ombuds will see 3-5% of an organization’s members in the course of a year. Our work as organizational ombuds has increased steadily over the last couple of years, where we’re initially called in because someone in leadership is being dogged by a “small” conflict that won’t go away but keeps festering and growing until they can’t sweep it under the rug any longer. (From there, we typically enter a contractual arrangement with clients where we serve as their ongoing go-to ombuds, mediator, and conflict adviser.)

10 Ways an Ombudsman Can Increase Your Workplace Productivity

He could have been sitting in the corner of the conference room where I was convening as Organizational Ombuds for a team that was stuck - there was (emotional) clutter, plenty of discord, and a really difficult situation. Tension was high, people were venting. At any moment (my experience told me) someone could explode with frustration. It was like a freight train approaching the room, about to crash!

Creative Tension in the Workplace: Who needs it? You do!

Creative Tension Zone is where huge ideas emerge, innovation thrives, and empires are built! The most successful workplace teams know how to manage constructive conflict to encourage creative tension. What every leader needs to know about leveraging the power of conflict in a team.

Workplace Conflict: How to Deal with Hot Buttons

Have you ever said: “That person just presses my buttons”? We call these 'conflict hooks', because your reaction to the button-pusher has the potential to feed conflict. Understanding what conflict hooks are can help you and your team make better response choices.

9 Early Warning Signs of Workplace Conflict

Conflict doesn't just appear out of nowhere. There are always signs warning that a conflict is developing. Managers who know what these signs are can be more effective leaders by confronting the problem before it rages out of hand. By resolving conflict in the early stages, the company will run much more smoothly and the overall productivity level will be increased considerably. What are these subtle signs of conflict to look for?...

February 10, 2022

Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior

February 10, 2022/ Mark Batson Baril

The Cambridge University Human Resources Department defines behavior as being unacceptable if:

It is unwanted by the recipient.

It has the purpose or effect of violating the recipient’s dignity and/or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment

Unacceptable behavior is serious business.

As a conflict advisor and coach, I’ve worked with countless leaders who didn’t know they were exhibiting unacceptable behavior. I’m talking about more than a one-time personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that chips away at person’s morale and, literally, ability to do their job. It’s behavior that needs addressing before it permeates an entire organization.

February 01, 2022

Outside Help for an Inside Problem: What can mediation do for you?

February 01, 2022/ Mark Batson Baril

Have you ever witnessed something that had you wondering if you should call someone? Someone on the ground, a car accident, a kid by themselves— these situations leave most of us wondering if everything is alright, if help is already coming, if we need to do anything, or if the situation will resolve itself.

Deciding to bring in an outside mediator is kind of like that. Except you don’t watch a split-second event occur; instead, it unfolds over weeks or months, drip by drip, seeping into the environment and culture, until it almost becomes normalized.

But just because something is normal does not mean it’s okay.

December 17, 2021

How to Have Difficult Conversations (When You Know You're Right): Part 1

December 17, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

“They may forget what you said—but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl Buechner had the right idea in 1971, you’ve since heard variations: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!

In the heat of a workplace disagreement or tough conversation (or person) that hooks us emotionally—these are the moments we need to remember these words most. But it’s exactly when we forget them. Our emotions get the better of us and we say things we don’t mean or, worse, that we regret later. The destruction that follows is swift and sometimes really difficult to repair.

Workplace relationships can be tricky, because while most people say “I truly want your honest feedback” they aren’t actually telling the truth. Even stickier is how we feel about telling someone higher up the command chain when they’re wrong.

November 23, 2021

Why Good Conduct is Good Business - and Crucial to Your Success

November 23, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

When someone consistently “rubs us the wrong way,” we often struggle to separate the behavior from the person. We see the act, attribute it to the actor, and the two become synonymous. What follows is a classic relationship slippery slope that usually ends up badly. What we forget in those situations is that behavior can change—and not always for the worse!

As leaders of our organization, we are responsible for our personal conduct on behalf of our company’s values and for the sake of our workforce. This might seem like an optional “soft skill,” but from what I’ve seen as a conflict advisor and coach to leaders, I believe it’s a crucial part of leadership success.

November 18, 2021

Are There Only Bad Guys or Good Guys in the Workplace?

November 18, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

In a world of Hollywood movies and childhood stories of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, it’s natural that we see ‘heroes’ and ‘villains’ in our lives. We’re the main characters in our stories, and the role of antagonist is often carried by those who make our lives difficult. For many in the workplace this means the boss.

Let’s reframe that script for a moment by remembering that our bosses (or anyone who has authority over us) are people too. They are main characters of their own story, with their own dreams and struggles and interests, trying to make it through life just like the rest of us.

So why do they struggle to be kind? Why do they feel they have to “flog work forward?” Why is aggression their go-to leadership style? How do we marry this discrepancy?

November 02, 2021

The #1 Tool You Need to Manage Toxic Behavior at Work

November 02, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

“It’s not sweat or revenue that makes companies tick; it’s trust,” says John Hall writing for Forbes.com. Trust is a foundational principle of the work we do with teams at Resologics, which is why we study interpersonal relationship factors in the workplace that either enhance trust or erode trust.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on the level of trust within a workplace. The most poisonous situation I see that challenges trust involves the abrasive coworker or leader.

We see how a persistent pattern of disrespectful, aggressive, even bullying behavior drives people away from that individual and the goals they're trying to accomplish. It erodes trust in the individuals at the receiving end of this behavior, and also in the perception that management isn’t doing anything to address the problem they are experiencing so acutely.

October 07, 2021

What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

October 07, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

It takes one leader to lead a vision, motivate a team, boost productivity and increase retention. It also only takes one to disrupt a company, erode employee motivation, constrict productivity, and increase attrition. In a volatile market that’s already stressed, the power of leadership is multiplied. In the higher-risk, hyper-competitive environment we are seeing now, these behaviors will exact a toll on a company’s business. Today we’re going to focus on avoiding that toll.

The solution is simple, but it may not be easy: changing abrasive behavior.

What does abrasive behavior look like?

Let’s start with some clarifying definitions. The Boss Whispering Institute defines abrasive behavior as “words and actions [creating] interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors, eroding employee motivation and organizational productivity. Abrasive conduct can range on a continuum from mildly irritating to severely disruptive (otherwise known as workplace bullying).”

August 26, 2021

Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

August 26, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

I’ve written plenty on how abrasive leadership isn’t conducive to a healthy, conflict-competent workplace environment. But what about the abrasive leader? How does this behavior affect them?

The defining traits that will damage an abrasive leader’s career will also damage their personal lives. An abrasive leader isn’t only likely to find themselves on the ropes professionally, they’re going to face real world consequences in every area of their life.

Common co-worker complaints of repeated behaviors are: public humiliation, unpredictable or demeaning behavior, yelling or lack of emotional control, inappropriate hostile or sexual comments or behaviors, maligning another’s character or reputation Do you think someone who exhibits these characteristics professionally suddenly flips a switch on their way out of the office to transform into a considerate, encouraging, or stable individual in their personal life?

July 23, 2021

Abrasive Behavior at Work: What is Your Role?

July 23, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

If you are a CEO, manager, HR professional, or coach/ombuds/mediator who is working on-site, please read on….

According to the Society of Resource Management (SHRM), 87% of employees say that workplace incivility has negatively affected their performance. So, at this moment you can safely assume that one or more employees in your organization might be experiencing abrasive behavior — not only negatively affecting their performance, but also their morale, and emotional and physical health.

It is your role to intervene. Employers have a responsibility to manage both performance and conduct, assuring the physical and psychological safety of their workforce.

And, simply put, it’s the right thing to do for your organization and your people.

July 01, 2021

Abrasive Behavior at Work: When It’s Not Just a Personality Conflict

July 01, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

It’s common to accept the abrasive behavior of someone in your workforce as just another cost of doing business. Especially if that person is in a leadership position or perceived as “too valuable” to ruffle any feathers, we’re expected to just let it slide no matter how toxic their behavior becomes.

This could be a big mistake. Choosing to avoid, excuse, or dismiss abrasive behavior in your organization is harmful — it erodes employee motivation, organizational productivity, and customer and stakeholder trust. For the individuals who are targeted? It can become a persistent, wearying, hopeless experience that leaches away their emotional and physical health, especially devastating during these days of stressful post-pandemic adjustment.

June 08, 2021

Abrasive Leaders at Work: You’re Not Helpless ...They’re Not Hopeless

June 08, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

If you have anything to do with human beings in your workplace (virtual or otherwise), please read on!

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, where their words and actions create interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors.

This behavior tends to be avoided, tolerated, or “forgiven” because that person is in a leadership position. Or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior.

But here is the costly truth: When this behavior is persistent (chronic) it plagues the workplace causing serious harm to morale and productivity. Abrasive behaviors cause emotional distress and disrupt organizational functioning. I have seen this behavior bring a team, and even an organization, to its knees.

May 25, 2021

Are You Wondering if You Are a Good Leader?

May 25, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

Within a cyber-stone’s throw you can find leadership assessments that list any number of essential qualities a “good” leader must possess. Many relate to the systems you’ve built around your people: Are you hiring good people? Do you have effective onboarding and training systems? Are you holding on to your best people? Do you have good succession planning in place?

All important skills, to be sure — and measurable. But, as they say, skills and systems are only as good as the people who apply them. I have come to believe that behaviors are the root-cause drivers of a leader’s ability to succeed, and be a good leader.

Experts on the Forbes Human Resources Council offer their take on some essential traits leaders need to have, such as: High EQ (emotional intelligence) and AQ (adaptability), active listening, empathy, open communication, hyper-transparency, receptivity, and mindfulness. Music to my ears in my work coaching executive level leaders — yet it’s tough to measure “soft skills” like these.

May 20, 2021

The Silent Ones in Your Workforce (And how to start listening to them)

May 20, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

Excerpted from Forbes Coaches Council article by Mark Batson Baril, Feb. 16, 2021

A little over three percent of an organization’s population used the Office of the Ombuds as a resource to resolve a variety of conflict issues, according to a recent internal study of 164 ombuds offices in the U.S. and Canada.

What are the implications of this finding to your organization?

Without an ombuds or similar structure in place to address conflict, 3.2% of most organizations’ employees believe they have nowhere to turn to resolve issues they have within their workplace. If you have 100 people in your organization, it’s likely that three of them are dealing with something right now at work that is troubling them, and that could potentially create a negative ripple effect throughout the organization.

Who Are The Silent Ones?

April 29, 2021

“Time’s Up” on Bad Leadership Behavior: Lessons From Scott Rudin’s Story

April 29, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

The Washington Post headline says it all: “Scott Rudin’s bad behavior was just another Hollywood cliche until a new generation said time’s up.” You may know Scott Rudin as an award-winning film, television and theater producer, whose film successes include No Country for Old Men, Lady Bird, Fences, The Social Network, Clueless, and Broadway shows like The Book of Mormon.

For me as a conflict advisor and Boss Whispering® coach, Scott Rudin is the poster child of the many leaders out there who are poisoning their organizations with their disrespectful, disruptive behavior. And I’m grateful it’s been brought to light for the sake of all those people who have been emotionally harmed by an abrasive leader.

April 13, 2021

How to Find Out if Chronic Bad Behavior is Poisoning Your Workplace

April 13, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

“It’s not sweat or revenue that makes companies tick; it’s trust,” says John Hall writing for Forbes.com. “Trust touches every area of business. Research published by Harvard Business Review bears this out: Workers at companies where trust is high report 106% greater energy in the office, 74% lower stress levels, 76% greater engagement, and 50% more productivity than their peers at low-trust businesses.”

Trust is a foundational principle of the work we do with teams at Resologics, which is why we study interpersonal relationship factors in the workplace that either enhance trust or erode trust.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on the level of trust that bring the outcomes you see in the stats above.

January 19, 2021

What a Manager Can and Should Do to Stop Bullying Behavior at Work

January 19, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

“All managers should understand the importance of differentiating performance from conduct, and know how to manage both.” ~ Dr. Laura Crawshaw, An EAP Approach to End Workplace Bullying

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, plaguing the workplace with interpersonal friction that harms morale and productivity. In fact, 19% of us may find ourselves in a bullying situation at work, according to a Workplace Bullying Institute survey.

Especially in the high-tension, uncertain environment we’re experiencing lately, you might be having this experience right now. As a conflict advisor and team coach, I’ve worked with abrasive leaders more times than I’d like to admit. Sometimes I can see a conflict situation brewing that is more than a personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that needs addressing before it poisons the entire team or organization.

January 14, 2021

Your Organizational Ombuds: When Abrasive Behavior Enters Your Organization

January 14, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

In my work as an Ombudsman, Mediator and Conflict Resolver, I have encountered thirteen situations to date that have involved a leader with an abrasive leadership style. It’s been hard for me to admit, but it took eight of those cases over several years before I really understood what was going on — and what to do about it.

In most of those cases the teams and organizations worked toward agreements that more or less stuck and the team’s performance improved. Yet, remaining underneath those changes was the abrasive behavior of the leader/individual that had not been addressed in a substantial way.

January 07, 2021

Three Ways To Diagnose Disruptive Behavior That's Hurting Your Company

January 07, 2021/ Mark Batson Baril

When it comes to human behavior (especially predicting and managing it), professionals in the field talk about "measuring the unmeasurable." If you've spent any time in almost any workplace, you can see how "measuring" behavior and its effects could be a thorny effort.

Most leadership assessments I've seen are based on important skills such as executing strategy, hiring, retention, succession, team and change management. However, when the rubber meets the road, it's an individual's personal characteristics and style that can make or break their success as a leader.