Five Steps to Build Better Team Relationships

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Five Steps to Build Better Team Relationships

Building great companies takes building great teams. Building great teams takes...conflict.

Sound counterintuitive! Especially in an economy where going out on a limb imposes a lot more risks than usual, who would want to add conflict to the equation?

It’s natural to avoid conflict. It’s what separated life and death for early cavemen; we have evolved but with that same wiring embedded in our psyche: “Keep things safe'' and “Don’t rock the boat.” In today’s world, avoiding conflict actually becomes a detriment in building the relationships teams need in order to work together and get things done.

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Do We Need a Mediator? Here’s How to Tell

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Do We Need a Mediator? Here’s How to Tell

When do you know you need mediation in your workplace?

The first thing to know is what mediation is (and isn’t) so that you’re equipped to recognize the need if and when conflict arises.

The second thing to know is that when your company has a built-in system to proactively manage conflict, then you will never have to face the question of needing mediation. But I’m getting ahead of myself, because here’s the reality: Few organizations have such a system, and my team is most often called in to provide mediation services when the client workplace situation has reached the crisis point – and spiraling out of control fast.

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How We’re Getting Hooked into Conflict at Work

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How We’re Getting Hooked into Conflict at Work

Have you ever said: “That person just presses my buttons”? If you’re human, then you’ve felt this at some time or another. You might recall a time when you reacted strongly to it emotionally, and the result was an escalation of the situation, maybe even a fight.

This can happen to the most enlightened, secure, experienced leader or manager. I have seen it often in my conflict engagement work with leaders and teams — and, I confess, I have hot buttons too!

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The Game-Changing Tool for Productive (and Pleasant) Work Conversations

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The Game-Changing Tool for Productive (and Pleasant) Work Conversations

What I know from my work as conflict advisor/mediator is that tough conversations are inevitable - in our work lives, community lives, and personal lives. And who in their right mind wants to have a difficult conversation?

Right - no one! So what we tend to do is avoid it, put if off for a day, a week, even a year. But does the issue go away? No, in fact, it festers and grows until it becomes something much more destructive and even dangerous. (That’s too often when we’re brought in to mediate a dispute or conflict that’s gotten out of control over months or even years.)

As an expert in conflict, I’m here to tell you conflict cannot be swept under the rug!

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (Rudeness and Lies): Part 2

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (Rudeness and Lies): Part 2

“'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty,” said Judith Martin aka Miss Manners in 2011. The First Lady of Etiquette was being interviewed about her years as a journalist.

Her nugget of wisdom still feels relevant today – maybe more so in an era of social-media bashing and bullying.

This has me thinking about honesty’s place in the work environment, so here are some thoughts in the second in our series of spotlighting difficult conversations— the kind that raise hackles, taint relationships and spark unproductive conflict—and how to address them.

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Why you may be blind to bad behavior at work and the harm it is causing

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Why you may be blind to bad behavior at work and the harm it is causing

As leaders, we hold the responsibility of ensuring our workplaces are safe, healthy environments for our workers. We want our employees to be happy and productive. Does any management team sit around the boardroom table and pull up the powerpoint, “How can we perpetuate workplace bullying?”

Of course not! Except…that’s exactly what we’re doing when we accept the myths about leadership that blind us to the damage that abrasive behavior is doing to our workers and our company. It’s more comfortable to accept these myths as explanations than it is to initiate the difficult conversations that must be had.

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Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior

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Boss Whispering: Solving the problem of abrasive workplace behavior

The Cambridge University Human Resources Department defines behavior as being unacceptable if:

It is unwanted by the recipient.

It has the purpose or effect of violating the recipient’s dignity and/or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment

Unacceptable behavior is serious business.

As a conflict advisor and coach, I’ve worked with countless leaders who didn’t know they were exhibiting unacceptable behavior. I’m talking about more than a one-time personality clash — it’s chronic behavior that chips away at person’s morale and, literally, ability to do their job. It’s behavior that needs addressing before it permeates an entire organization.

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Outside Help for an Inside Problem: What can mediation do for you?

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Outside Help for an Inside Problem: What can mediation do for you?

Have you ever witnessed something that had you wondering if you should call someone? Someone on the ground, a car accident, a kid by themselves— these situations leave most of us wondering if everything is alright, if help is already coming, if we need to do anything, or if the situation will resolve itself.

Deciding to bring in an outside mediator is kind of like that. Except you don’t watch a split-second event occur; instead, it unfolds over weeks or months, drip by drip, seeping into the environment and culture, until it almost becomes normalized.

But just because something is normal does not mean it’s okay.

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (When You Know You're Right): Part 1

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How to Have Difficult Conversations (When You Know You're Right): Part 1

“They may forget what you said—but they will never forget how you made them feel." Carl Buechner had the right idea in 1971, you’ve since heard variations: It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!

In the heat of a workplace disagreement or tough conversation (or person) that hooks us emotionally—these are the moments we need to remember these words most. But it’s exactly when we forget them. Our emotions get the better of us and we say things we don’t mean or, worse, that we regret later. The destruction that follows is swift and sometimes really difficult to repair.

Workplace relationships can be tricky, because while most people say “I truly want your honest feedback” they aren’t actually telling the truth. Even stickier is how we feel about telling someone higher up the command chain when they’re wrong.

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Why Good Conduct is Good Business - and Crucial to Your Success

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Why Good Conduct is Good Business - and Crucial to Your Success

When someone consistently “rubs us the wrong way,” we often struggle to separate the behavior from the person. We see the act, attribute it to the actor, and the two become synonymous. What follows is a classic relationship slippery slope that usually ends up badly. What we forget in those situations is that behavior can change—and not always for the worse!

As leaders of our organization, we are responsible for our personal conduct on behalf of our company’s values and for the sake of our workforce. This might seem like an optional “soft skill,” but from what I’ve seen as a conflict advisor and coach to leaders, I believe it’s a crucial part of leadership success.

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Are There Only Bad Guys or Good Guys in the Workplace?

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Are There Only Bad Guys or Good Guys in the Workplace?

In a world of Hollywood movies and childhood stories of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, it’s natural that we see ‘heroes’ and ‘villains’ in our lives. We’re the main characters in our stories, and the role of antagonist is often carried by those who make our lives difficult. For many in the workplace this means the boss.

Let’s reframe that script for a moment by remembering that our bosses (or anyone who has authority over us) are people too. They are main characters of their own story, with their own dreams and struggles and interests, trying to make it through life just like the rest of us.

So why do they struggle to be kind? Why do they feel they have to “flog work forward?” Why is aggression their go-to leadership style? How do we marry this discrepancy?

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The #1 Tool You Need to Manage Toxic Behavior at Work

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The #1 Tool You Need to Manage Toxic Behavior at Work

“It’s not sweat or revenue that makes companies tick; it’s trust,” says John Hall writing for Forbes.com. Trust is a foundational principle of the work we do with teams at Resologics, which is why we study interpersonal relationship factors in the workplace that either enhance trust or erode trust.

My work with teams and leaders has convinced me that it's a worthy effort to assess individual styles and behaviors and their impact on the level of trust within a workplace. The most poisonous situation I see that challenges trust involves the abrasive coworker or leader.

We see how a persistent pattern of disrespectful, aggressive, even bullying behavior drives people away from that individual and the goals they're trying to accomplish. It erodes trust in the individuals at the receiving end of this behavior, and also in the perception that management isn’t doing anything to address the problem they are experiencing so acutely.

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What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

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What to Do about Unprofessional Behavior in Your Workplace

It takes one leader to lead a vision, motivate a team, boost productivity and increase retention. It also only takes one to disrupt a company, erode employee motivation, constrict productivity, and increase attrition. In a volatile market that’s already stressed, the power of leadership is multiplied. In the higher-risk, hyper-competitive environment we are seeing now, these behaviors will exact a toll on a company’s business. Today we’re going to focus on avoiding that toll.

The solution is simple, but it may not be easy: changing abrasive behavior.

What does abrasive behavior look like?

Let’s start with some clarifying definitions. The Boss Whispering Institute defines abrasive behavior as “words and actions [creating] interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors, eroding employee motivation and organizational productivity. Abrasive conduct can range on a continuum from mildly irritating to severely disruptive (otherwise known as workplace bullying).”

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10 Quick Tips for Leading Team Conversations in Stressful Situations

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10 Quick Tips for Leading Team Conversations in Stressful Situations

Crisis situations can bring out the best — and the worst — in leaders, teams, employees, partners. We’re only human, and stressful situations cause humans to react emotionally, which tends to show up as anger, fear, aggression, anxiety, quick and poor decisions, and interpersonal conflict.

Let’s face it: If you have more than two people in a room tasked to accomplish something, you have the possibility of conflict — different ideas, personalities, “conflict hooks” all bouncing against each other. As common as it is in normal circumstances, conflict multiplies exponentially in unforeseen situations and crises.

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: Who is the Abrasive Leader?

I’ve written plenty on how abrasive leadership isn’t conducive to a healthy, conflict-competent workplace environment. But what about the abrasive leader? How does this behavior affect them?

The defining traits that will damage an abrasive leader’s career will also damage their personal lives. An abrasive leader isn’t only likely to find themselves on the ropes professionally, they’re going to face real world consequences in every area of their life.

Common co-worker complaints of repeated behaviors are: public humiliation, unpredictable or demeaning behavior, yelling or lack of emotional control, inappropriate hostile or sexual comments or behaviors, maligning another’s character or reputation Do you think someone who exhibits these characteristics professionally suddenly flips a switch on their way out of the office to transform into a considerate, encouraging, or stable individual in their personal life?

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: What is Your Role?

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: What is Your Role?

If you are a CEO, manager, HR professional, or coach/ombuds/mediator who is working on-site, please read on….

According to the Society of Resource Management (SHRM), 87% of employees say that workplace incivility has negatively affected their performance. So, at this moment you can safely assume that one or more employees in your organization might be experiencing abrasive behavior — not only negatively affecting their performance, but also their morale, and emotional and physical health.

It is your role to intervene. Employers have a responsibility to manage both performance and conduct, assuring the physical and psychological safety of their workforce.

And, simply put, it’s the right thing to do for your organization and your people.

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: When It’s Not Just a Personality Conflict

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Abrasive Behavior at Work: When It’s Not Just a Personality Conflict

It’s common to accept the abrasive behavior of someone in your workforce as just another cost of doing business. Especially if that person is in a leadership position or perceived as “too valuable” to ruffle any feathers, we’re expected to just let it slide no matter how toxic their behavior becomes.

This could be a big mistake. Choosing to avoid, excuse, or dismiss abrasive behavior in your organization is harmful — it erodes employee motivation, organizational productivity, and customer and stakeholder trust. For the individuals who are targeted? It can become a persistent, wearying, hopeless experience that leaches away their emotional and physical health, especially devastating during these days of stressful post-pandemic adjustment.

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Abrasive Leaders at Work: You’re Not Helpless ...They’re Not Hopeless

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Abrasive Leaders at Work: You’re Not Helpless ...They’re Not Hopeless

If you have anything to do with human beings in your workplace (virtual or otherwise), please read on!

We have all experienced leaders who rub their coworkers the wrong way, where their words and actions create interpersonal friction that grates on subordinates, peers, and even superiors.

This behavior tends to be avoided, tolerated, or “forgiven” because that person is in a leadership position. Or they’re perceived to have so much value to the company that it’s “worth” the behavior.

But here is the costly truth: When this behavior is persistent (chronic) it plagues the workplace causing serious harm to morale and productivity. Abrasive behaviors cause emotional distress and disrupt organizational functioning. I have seen this behavior bring a team, and even an organization, to its knees.

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Are You Wondering if You Are a Good Leader?

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Are You Wondering if You Are a Good Leader?

Within a cyber-stone’s throw you can find leadership assessments that list any number of essential qualities a “good” leader must possess. Many relate to the systems you’ve built around your people: Are you hiring good people? Do you have effective onboarding and training systems? Are you holding on to your best people? Do you have good succession planning in place?

All important skills, to be sure — and measurable. But, as they say, skills and systems are only as good as the people who apply them. I have come to believe that behaviors are the root-cause drivers of a leader’s ability to succeed, and be a good leader.

Experts on the Forbes Human Resources Council offer their take on some essential traits leaders need to have, such as: High EQ (emotional intelligence) and AQ (adaptability), active listening, empathy, open communication, hyper-transparency, receptivity, and mindfulness. Music to my ears in my work coaching executive level leaders — yet it’s tough to measure “soft skills” like these.

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The Silent Ones in Your Workforce (And how to start listening to them)

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The Silent Ones in Your Workforce (And how to start listening to them)

Excerpted from Forbes Coaches Council article by Mark Batson Baril, Feb. 16, 2021

A little over three percent of an organization’s population used the Office of the Ombuds as a resource to resolve a variety of conflict issues, according to a recent internal study of 164 ombuds offices in the U.S. and Canada.

What are the implications of this finding to your organization?

Without an ombuds or similar structure in place to address conflict, 3.2% of most organizations’ employees believe they have nowhere to turn to resolve issues they have within their workplace. If you have 100 people in your organization, it’s likely that three of them are dealing with something right now at work that is troubling them, and that could potentially create a negative ripple effect throughout the organization.

Who Are The Silent Ones?

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